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Are you a worrier?
I can be.
The main reason I worry is due to overthinking, it just takes worry to a whole new level. We create lots of lovely stories to magnify the initial worry and before you know it, it’s as though the world is going to end.
Just to be clear, I’m talking only about worry here, not anxiety. Anxiety is different to worry in that worry can feel manageable, we know that we are worrying and can have some control over it. Anxiety feels more outside of our control. Often worry is exacerbated by the stories we tell ourselves about a situation. I’m not a counsellor, just sharing my own thoughts on worry.
View Things As A Challenge To Overcome, Rather Than Something To Worry AboutLet’s say you’re about to do a guest interview for someone, or you’re going to do a FB live. You can choose to view it as a challenge to overcome and put lots of planning and preparation in place. That way you’ll be as competent as you can possibly be, or you can view it as a foregone conclusion that it will be disastrous and everything will go wrong.
This might result in your mind going blank, maybe you’ll have prepped for all the wrong things and it will be a complete failure. Which one of these stories is going to make you feel more worried?! Planning and preparation will help me, or it’s going to go horribly wrong?
If you’re also into the law of attraction, you’ll know that you need to focus on what you want, or you’ll get those unwanted results too!
Let’s play for a moment….
What’s Worrying You About Being Visible In Your Business Right Now?
Write down one thing that you’re worrying you about being visible in your business right now. If you’re not near pen and paper, just think what it might be.
This worry will more than likely bring up lots of feelings. Maybe you’ll feel that you’re going to be judged. You might feel vulnerable. You might feel disappointed that you’re not as confident as other people etc.
Write down or think about how you’d like to feel instead – make the feelings you want super powerful words.
This will help you to think about how things could be different, opening you up to a place of possibility and it encourages you to make changes.
Words you want to pull out are things like calmer, in control, relaxed, prepared. If they aren’t coming up then just imagine what it would feel like to be calmer, relaxed etc. instead of all of the stressful, sicky feelings that can come up with worry.
Now that you’ve got to a place of how you’d like to feel, let’s come up with a couple of useful strategies to help you shift that worry.
Worry is often about how much control we have, or think we have, over something.
Is It Within Your Circle of Control?
I love using Stephen Covey’s Circles of Control to help things in perspective. If you haven’t come across it, then think of a target, with three circles, a large outer one, a smaller middle circle and then the small circle in the centre:
- His model shows that in the outer circle are things we can’t control, so they could be things like world hunger, or wanting someone to fall in love with us
- The middle circle is the circle of influence, so these are things we can influence, but not necessarily control, so it could be things like making suggestions in a team meeting, encouraging people to go to a certain restaurant that you like (we aren’t talking about manipulation here, just about areas that we might be able to influence in some way)
- The inner circle is the circle of control, so this might be how much we exercise or how we manage our worries
By checking in on these circles you can identify areas that you have no control over, so we might apply to be a guest on someone’s podcast show or for a speaking gig, but you can only influence that outcome by being the best that you can be in the information you send over in your application form, fully prepared etc.
Worrying about the outcome of that podcast application isn’t going to help. If you think you did a bad job of the pitch though you can start to learn more about how to do a really great pitch for your next one, which is something you can control.
A Couple Of Useful Questions
When you think about your worry, a great question I like to ask myself is, ‘What triggered this worry?’
Follow up with, “Is this within your circle of control?”
You can then ask yourself what the benefit of holding onto the worry is. This can seem strange, but sometimes when we don’t want to let go of something it’s because it serves us somehow. Maybe by having the worry, you won’t put yourself out there and be visible, you’re trying to keep yourself safe.
Ultimately, you want to always be thinking about a way of focusing on the solution, rather than going too much into analyzing the worry itself.
Stop Telling Yourself StoriesWith our story telling we can lose perspective. This is where reframing can be very useful in helping us to move forward.
The problem is, we’re great at catastrophising things. We create unnecessary dramas where we over generalise and make assumptions. All this does is move us further into a worry state. By challenging these assumptions you can raise awareness.
You may have experienced this with yourself, where you say, ‘I’m not good at that, which means I’m rubbish at everything for example’.
Challenge this assumption. Does you not being good at one thing mean you’re rubbish at everything? Unlikely! You might not be great at writing social media posts but you might make a mean Spaghetti Bolognese!
So, linking back to my title, of ‘Are you losing clients through your worry habit?’ You could be if you don’t get this in check, because you could be holding yourself back from being visible by being fearful about every move you’re making being the wrong one. You’ll also be putting out a very different energy in everything you do, one that doesn’t invoke confidence in your potential dreamie clients. If you don’t believe in you, then why would others believe in you?
It’s time to sort this worry habit, and it’s just that – a habit. It’s totally within your control. You just need to choose to challenge it and it will become a thing of the past.
To wrap up:
- View things as a challenge to overcome, rather than something to worry about
- Check whether the problem is within your circle of control. If not, let it go!
- Stop telling yourself stories
What helps you overcome your worry habit? Share in the comments section.
Your call to action is to choose one strategy and test it out. Let me know how you get on