I was thrilled to be asked to write the following article for a website for women called Platform 505, you can view the original article here.  If you find you don’t talk very nicely to yourself then read on to learn 5 tips for silencing your inner critic and being your own best friend.

These are also great strategies to use with your clients in helping them to be kinder to themselves.

Would you be friends with this person?

Do you have nice friends? I used to have a horrible one.

I used to be 4 stone heavier than I am right now. I had a friend that always put me down when I saw her. She would look at me and say things like, ‘You’ve put on weight”, “Your face looks fat”, “Those jeans really don’t suit you”, “People will be able to tell you’ve put on weight – you can’t go out looking like that”.

I wanted to tell her where to go but I wasn’t strong enough. I wanted to tell her that she was being unkind, that I would never speak to anyone else in that way but I couldn’t. Why? Because it was me – I was the one being so unkind to myself. I looked in the mirror each day and said the nastiest things to myself.

It can happen to us when we want to lose weight but it can also happen to us in so many other ways; the imposter syndrome – when we think we aren’t good enough to be in the job we are in or the business we run, afraid that we will get found out at some point. When we think we aren’t good enough mums, wives, girlfriends. Not good enough for (fill in the blank).

But here’s the thing – you ARE good enough – exactly as you are, right now.

As women we want to feel fabulous and confident but we often bring a little friend with us that can damage all that we set out to achieve. The fantastic news is that we don’t have to listen that constant internal voice that chatters away ninety to the dozen, undermining all that we do and say, making us feel that we are not good enough.

Here are 5 tips for overcoming that inner chatter.

1. Notice the language you are using to yourself, things like ‘I can’t’, ‘I couldn’t possibly’, I’d never be able to do that’, ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m rubbish at..’ It becomes such a regular thing that we often don’t even notice we are saying unkind things to ourselves. Make a note of how often it crops up, what time of day, in what situations (either a mental note or on paper)

2. When you hear yourself say, “I’m not good enough for…” start gathering evidence for when/where you are good enough. Start to build up a strengths list. It might be you’re great at cooking dinner or creating the latest cocktail write it down

3. When you say you can’t do x, y, z play the ‘What If’ game. What if you could?

4. Keep a note of your compliments in a journal or on a file on your computer, they are great to read through when you’re in a place of self doubt and the chatter is going mad

5. Write out an affirmation – a positive statement in the present that helps you view things more positively, “I love my body”, “I love being this weight”, “I succeed in all that I do”, “I am good at my job”, “I’m a great Mum” etc.

Changing our inner dialogue takes time, but you can do it. Just take a step at a time and treat yourself in the way you would your best friend – with kindness.

So now that you’re kinder, more loving and more compassionate to yourself – would you be friends with this new person? Yes, so would I.

If you haven’t checked out Platform 505 yet then pop on over, it has some great articles.