Welcome to day 5 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.
Yesterday I asked you to think about what difference a 10% increase to your confidence would make and challenged you to take one teeny weeny brave step in moving something forward. Today I’m going to share a really simple way to boost confidence.
One of the biggest things we do to destroy our confidence is compare ourselves with others. Whether it’s how they look in comparison to us, how much more successful they are, how much money they have, how clever their children are doesn’t matter. The act of comparing is just setting you up for a dent in confidence.
There was an old country song years ago, that isn’t at all relevant here other than the verse, ‘no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors’! It’s so true, pretty much everyone presents a version of themselves they are happy for the world to see. That doesn’t mean they’re not being authentic, but they may be keeping the tough stuff they’re going through to themselves and just sharing with their nearest and dearest. “You never truly know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes” –American Adage, Source Unknown. The point here is that often we have no idea what the other person is going through, how they feel, where they have come from but we judge ourselves against them and their circumstances.
It’s that horrible thing called perception kicking in again and we can quite often get it incredibly wrong! An example thought might be, ‘Well they always do really well despite putting any effort in’. This should be challenged with, ‘How do you know?’ or another might be, ‘They never have to worry about their weight’. Challenge: ‘Is that true?’ What if they are really careful with what they eat – Lots of assumptions!
Focus on being you, the best version of you that you can be and stop worrying about everyone else. We assume that when someone looks us up and down they are criticising us. They may simply be admiring how slick we look in our business suit or how glamorous we look. Stop filling in gaps that may not even exist! Go back to Day One of this series and instead of berating yourself for not looking like someone else, having what they’ve got, being where they are in their journey flip it to a positive statement. If you really want to be where they are then come and get some coaching with me, we can work on an action plan to help you get there! Similarly comparing things that aren’t the same isn’t going to help you at all. A while back I wrote this article called Are You Comparing Bananas To Socks – you need to compare like for like and more than likely you’re not!
So we have considered how comparing can dent our confidence, how our perception can be a dangerous thing in terms of our confidence levels and finally how comparing bananas to socks just isn’t helpful! Onto today’s task..
Today’s Task
I want you simply to notice how many times you find yourself comparing. Just notice. NO criticising. Then choose to be the best version of you instead. I won’t be mean and make you share how you’re comparing with others so leave a comment in the box below to let me know you’ve got on today and how you feel having made a simple change.
Want some added fun and support? Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge. Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.
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Oooh…. this is a toughie. I’m constantly comparing myself to other miniature artisans in my field. But is’t that a necessary part of running a business…. keeping in touch with the competition?
I feel that by comparison I generally come out pretty well
I wrote a post about this on pricing a while back Sandra – it’s ok to check out the competition to get an understanding and keep in touch – it’s important for your business, but what I mean here is about not comparing ‘you’ to them. People want to work with you, not a carbon copy of someone else. They may be at a different place and have had different circumstances that have led them to where they are now. The dents in confidence come when we start comparing ourselves against them and feel we aren’t doing as well. Bananas and socks!
This is an outstanding post. It’s something I have worked on diligently over the years, and you’ve touched on all the important aspects perfectly. If we just concentrate on working on ourselves first and foremost (as you say, “be the best version of you”), the rest, such as not comparing, comes easier and easier.
Thanks for the great comment Ed! I agree, the focus needs to be on working on ourselves first and it all falls into place over time. Sure the comparison may come up again in one form or another but we just need to keep reminding ourselves of the impact that can have and shift our mindset
Great post thanks. I’ve also heard a saying that goes “always be nice as you have no idea about the other persons journey”. I think this is also good to bear in mind as we really don’t know what journey other people are on! As far as comparing goes I try hard not to do it but with a 13 year old daughter I find teaching her those principles much harder!!
Hi Emma, yes exactly, we don’t know what other people are going through but we make assumptions. I know what you mean about teenage daughters! It does take time but keep going with your message, it does start to sink in!!
I haven’t noticed that I’m comparing myself much today (but I think half the task is noticing!) except this evening when looking at a photo of a model in the same dress I have. First thought was “I don’t look like that in it!”, second thought was noticing I was comparing, third thought was realising that thanks to photoshop she probably doesn’t look like that in it either!
Yes I remember attending a photo shoot many years ago and I was horrified when the guy photoshopped something from my pic in front of me. I’ve never looked at magazines in the same way since! Well done for noticing, once we notice we can make changes
Well I didn’t catch myself comparing as such (or maybe I did), but, there as shift in perception that I wanted to share on with you. During my spinning class today I was increasingly frustrated with the instructor, I find his sarcastic tone “humourless” to say the least. I was spinning and hating more and more with every minute that passed. Then I became aware of how I was causing myself suffering with my not so pleasant thoughts, so I changed it to those of compassion and understanding not only towards myself but towards the instructor too which helped me finish the class on a very positive note. Yes, he had something to say at the end but hey it’s constructive criticism and I am fine with it. In fact I might even go to his next class….maybe
I love that you noticed it was causing you suffering. It’s such an important thing for us all to remember. Well done for making such a great shift and for sharing it too