Do You Need To Add Colour To Your Biz?

January 30, 2017 by 4 Comments

In this blog post, I will share how adding colour to your business can increase your visibility and you might even have more fun (and compliments!)

BP Memes (1)

If you’re joining in on my mini challenge, pop on over to my Facebook page, Ruby McGuire aka Queen of Connection and tag me in a photo/video of you with your added pop of colour!

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When I first started out with my business I called it Life in Colour. That was my strapline.

Colour is a very significant thing to me. I LOVE colour and how it can make you feel and how it can match and reflect your mood. My branding is a good example of being colourful.

So it probably comes as no surprise that I wanted to get a colour analysis done. For those that don’t know, this is where you work with someone to help you identify the best colour clothes for you to wear. It’s a scientific method, which appeals to me as I don’t want to just guess, I want to know for sure.

I had my colours done last week, I couldn’t wait to be honest. I can remember wanting to get them done in my twenties, and then forgot all about it. I had a personal shopper work with me when I was in HR, which didn’t go so well to be honest, but other than that I’ve been on my own, and truthfully that’s not a good idea. I can tell you about business, but putting together clothes – one of my pet hates! I’m not a typical girl that loves clothes shopping! In fact, I hate it!

The session was fab. I felt completely pampered – thank you Lara Lauder. First up is an analysis of your skin tone, that way you are going to be matched to the right colours, and not look really pale or sick etc. when you want to be looking really vibrant!  Then came different coloured cloths being draped over my shoulders, to find out which ones worked and which ones didn’t. When the colour was a WOW colour my whole face lit up. It was really fascinating. Then some make up and I felt a million dollars.

It was the longest time I’d taken out for myself in ages. Don’t get me wrong, my hubby’s always nagging me to look after me, but I have this little workaholic brain that wants to do ‘just one more little job’ and then before you know it the day is gone!

I found out I’m a Dark Blue Autumn, which might mean loads or nothing to you. Think autumnal colours, browns, rusts, limes and then rich tones like turquoise, teal, dark purple and navy and you’re there.

After the session, my homework was to go through my wardrobe to find what colours I already had.

Turquoise top, check. Lime, check. Chocolate brown, okay well I have a pair of shoes, does that count? Coats – black, dresses – black, shoes – black, tops – black, skirts – black, trousers – black, black, cardis – black. Oh dear, not good! I’m a Visibility Diva and I’ve been hiding away – in black!

5

Let’s just say there’s a lot of work to be done. I’ve got my Style Analysis coming next, so I’m holding off for a bit until then and I’m also working on losing weight, so it will be a project to work on, a work in progress as I slowly change over my wardrobe. I’m hoping once I know my style and my colour that clothes shopping will be much easier. If not, I’m sticking to books!

What it’s made me realise is that if you are the face of your business, you want to look your best at all times, and if black makes me look less than my best why would I opt for it? I’m on camera all the time. I probably look as if I have no clothes, where I always wear black!

This is about showing up as the fabulous, best version of you that you can be, whether that’s by having your colours done, or not toning down who you are as a person. Why would you not want to show up at your absolute best?

We all know that people can make quick judgements about us, and we do too, whether that’s consciously or subconsciously.

4

One of the big limiting beliefs that comes up a lot around visibility is that people will be judging you and what you put out there. While part of that might be true, let’s be honest you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, so get peace around that now and know that you’re the perfect fit for your dreamie clients.

So give it your best shot, make your first impression the right one, and that might just be a simple change of colour.

I’ve been stuck in a rut of black, so I am working my way through shedding that part of my identity that came with me feeling unsure of my appearance, and introducing more fabulousness and colour into my wardrobe.

6

You just might get me in different colours going forward. For this girl, brown is the new black, don’t you know?!

Your call to action this week:  Inject a bit of colour into your life – take a picture and tag me on my Facebook Biz Page (Ruby McGuire aka Queen of Connection) It might be nail colour, a scarf, a new tie, lippy, or if you want to go crazy then a change of hair colour!

Can’t wait to see the pics!

Feeling even braver? Share a mini video of you being visible with your new added colour!

Filed Under: Business, Health & Wellbeing, Podcast, Visibility Tagged With: , , ,

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do In / With Your Business

July 22, 2015 by 2 Comments

Sometimes it can be easy to lose direction in your business. Here’s a few things to try when motivation / inspiration just aren’t there. Listen to my podcast using the player below or scroll down for the full transcript.

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do In or With Your Biz

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When you run a business it’s constant. You will be working with clients, thinking about marketing strategies, having conversations to promote and sell your services, thinking about the next blog post, newsletter and so on. All is well when it’s flowing but sometimes you can just get bored. Sick of hearing/writing/doing the same thing over and over again. You know you want to either get started or uplevel but you don’t know how or where to start.

I hear people on a regular basis about to give up, or give it until a certain date before they give up. I’ve been there myself, a few times. It can be tough running your own business, it’s not for the faint-hearted.

I’m a great believer in enrolling support, talking to people when I hit that time, people who can share ideas with you but ultimately it comes down to a few things. There will be those people you know you can turn to that will give you a kick up the butt, tell you to stop being silly, that you’ve come too far and help you work through what your next steps might be.

  1. Do some soul searching – what really lights you up? What’s your big why for your business? How is your business model in line with that big why? If it’s not when did it change, what’s changed specifically?
  1. Do some research – check into what others are doing (both in your niche and outside of it) to find out what might light that spark again.
  1. Do some discovery sessions with coaches – find out how they might be able to help you get that clarity and direction you need. Just because you’re a coach doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It’s easy to get stuck as a coach. We all need support and accountability as much as the next person.
  1. Do some nothingness – just chill about it all. Once you’ve done all of the soul searching, research and explored what you could do just stop. Let it all sink in. Let the pressure go. When you let it go, just letting it all mull over in the background you’ll start to come out of the fog that you’re in and slowly you’ll start to get clarity again.

If you decide to change direction remember it’s not all cast in stone. As one coach said to me, you can evolve. That’s the beauty of running your own business – nothing’s forever. If you don’t like it change it, tweak it, ditch it and create something new and exciting.

If you’re stuck I get it, I’ve been there myself (I have a pattern – it tends to be actually every 6 months for me! The boredom kicks in and I need to get my sparkle back for my business. I like creating but can’t just keep creating for creating sake, it’s too confusing for people and very time consuming for me.

Try out my strategies – the nothingness one is actually the best – enjoy the down time, do some creative and/or fun things that are nothing to do with your business. Let your brain relax and you’ll find the answers before you know it!

Your call to action this week is to work out who your support people are, the ones you can turn to for that kick up the butt! If you haven’t got that support and want me to kick your butt you know where I am! Book a free 20-minute discovery session with me to find out how I can help you figure it all out.

Filed Under: Business, Coaching, Podcast, Self Care, Stuck, Uplevelling Tagged With: , , , ,

My Top Tips For Creating A Simple Life

March 3, 2015 by 1 Comment

Hi there

I posted a note on Facebook the other day about my word of the year for 2015.  I set my word of Simplicity at the beginning of this year. By simplifying things, I have had more time with my family, more time to read, more time to create and more time to think about what direction I want my business to go in.

One of my readers said she’d love to know what’s worked so far, so I said I’d share in a blog post.  Be warned, it’s a long post despite it being about simplicity!

I’m still a work in progress, but I thought it might be helpful to share what’s worked for me so far.  Here are my top tips for creating a simple life.

Simplicity #simplicity #goal #coaching

#1 Tip – Set clear boundaries

I’m a workaholic and one area I have to work on constantly is boundaries.  Boundaries with others, but also more importantly (and harder to do) boundaries with myself.  I knew that I wanted to take Fridays off, but it was only me that could enforce that to happen.  Nobody else was going to stop me from working so I had to literally schedule fun things in my diary to do so that I wouldn’t work.  It’s interesting because, if you’ve worked on boundaries yourself you’ll know that the very setting of boundaries seems to bring up lots of challenges.  All of a sudden clients wanted to work with me on Fridays, people were inviting me to Friday networking events and I had the thought of, ‘Oh well, just this Friday, next Friday I’ll take the day off’.

I knew that I had to make the decision to make Fridays my day off.  Has my business suffered as a result?  Not at all.  If anything I’m much more focused in the week so working less hours, but smarter in those hours that I am working.

When I explained to a lady that was inviting me to a networking event that Fridays were my days off she said that networking over coffee wasn’t work.  Well, in some ways she’s right, however, I know me and the event itself would have triggered me back into work mode which was what I was trying to avoid.  It’s really important to know what you’re like, and how things affect you.

So what about the clients?  Well, I have the thought process that my ideal clients will work with me, and I will attract the right clients that will work with me at the right time.  I am running my own business so I get to choose when/how I work – how liberating is that?!

It wasn’t just about Fridays though.  I was also starting to work every evening and really long hours, so I sat down with my family to chat through what would work best with them.  There will be times when I need to work in the evenings and that’s fine, but we all agreed that it should be the exception rather than the norm and that Fridays to Sundays should be Ruby and family time.  I know it’s sad, but I have to literally book ‘Ruby Time’ in my diary to remind myself that I don’t work Fridays and it’s paying off.

I run online membership groups so I don’t want to be completely unavailable to my clients over the weekend, but equally I don’t want it to eat into my family time so I have set up a reminder to check in on my clubs and then for my Bootcamp I run a Power Hour* every Sunday night, this enables me to check in with them and for me to prioritise my week ahead too.  Win:win.  My clients know that if they need me over the weekend they can ‘tag’ me in Facebook and I will get back to them as soon as I can but that I will only be popping in.  Stepping back from social media at the weekends has been a real challenge.  I have to literally move my phone out of view so that I don’t get sucked back in again!

#2 Tip – An overall task list plus MIT’s

In order to get clarity, I have to get ‘out of my head’ and think on paper.  I now use an idea from Bullet Journal where you have an overall task list for the month.  I write absolutely everything down on this list and then figure out some dates of when they need to be done by.   After that each night I choose my top 3 tasks (MIT’s – Most Important Tasks**) for the following day.  Once I’ve achieved those the next day then I list the next 3 and so on.  That way I’m not feeling overwhelmed, I’m focusing on the most important things and it feels fabulous being productive and achieving things.

I also use Trello to organise my weekly tasks so I list all of my recurring tasks in there, such as follow up with clients, social media scheduling etc.  (I learnt recently that Trello is a great way to apply the Kanban Method – a way to be productive)

#3 Tip – Reflect and adapt

At the end of each day, I spend some time reflecting.  I was writing a journal, but I wanted something really quick and easy to use for this so chose Grid Diary.  It gives you the chance to tailor questions around your day.  I’ve included things like gratitude, self-care, books that I want to read etc.  This gives me a quick snapshot of what’s working for me, where I’ve not made time for my friends, family or even myself and what I might want to do differently the next day.  If you don’t like techie stuff there’s no reason why you can’t just create a list of questions that work for you. Some of mine are;

  • What 3 things are you grateful for today?
  • What 3 things do you want to focus on tomorrow?
  • Did you spend enough time with your family/friends today?
  • What book did you read?  If you didn’t read what creative thing did you do?

I really wanted to read more, yet each day would go by and nothing would be read.  With this little reminder, I now make sure I read something every single day.  Sometimes I get time to read whole chapters, sometimes just a couple of pages but I’m slowly starting to eat into that enormous reading list I’ve had on the go!  I’ve started learning more about speed reading and installed Spreeder on my Chrome toolbar so that I can build my reading speed.  Spreeder allows you to build your reading speed on websites you’re reading by showing you one word at a time (or more if you choose to set it as groups of words).  I also read a really interesting article the other day about whether you actually really need to read a whole book or not.

#4 Tip – Make time to play!

Screenshot 2015-03-02 21.10.39I realised that I’m also really creative – I like to make cards, doodle, crochet and I’m just getting into mixed media journalling.  If you want to know what I like check out my Pinterest board.  By throwing everything into my business I was losing a big part of who I am.  When I create I clear my mind and lose myself in the moment, which is such an important thing to do when you’re running your own business.  We all know that taking time away from the usual routine of day to day life is when ideas come up.  You might be washing your teeth, taking a shower, walking the dog or any other number of tasks.  Neuroscience has now proven that there are certain parts of your brain that are activated when you allow your mind to stop focusing on tasks. There is a ‘default’ network that fires up when you are not focused on a task.  The brain is still active but it’s a restful activity.  The default network kicks in when you’re day dreaming, being silent, meditating and visualising.

Making time to play has really helped me.  Some of it is part of my Friday ‘Ruby Time’, and some is a case of consciously making time to create at the weekends/evenings.  I’m actually making progress on a huge crochet granny square blanket I’m making.  I’ve made nearly half of the 290 flower squares I need to make!

In today’s post I’ve shared some of the things I’ve worked on so far to bring simplicity into my life;

  1. Set clear boundaries (and stick to them!)
  2. Create an overall task list plus sort out your priorities (top 3 MIT’s)
  3. Reflect and adapt
  4. Make time to play (the key bit there is to make the time!)

As I said a work in progress.  By reflecting and tweaking though life is becoming much more simple and better still, more enjoyable as all aspects of me are being fulfilled.

If you chose a word, what was it and how is it going for you so far?  What do you need to change to make life more fulfilling for you?  Leave a note in the comments below to let me know.

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*Power Hour – used with permission from Louise Presley Turner in her group coaching programme, Relaunch Your Life.

** MIT’s – Top 3 Most Important Tasks – Leonie Dawson.

Filed Under: Self Care, Simplicity, Work-Life Balance Tagged With: , ,

Be My Guest – Health & Wellbeing

February 17, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Hi there.  One of the things I do when I first start working with clients is to focus in on self-care.  It’s so important to be in good health when you’re working with your clients and if you’re burning yourself out then you’re not going to be giving the best of yourself to others.  Healthy eating is just one aspect of self-care.

For today’s Be My Guest – Health & Wellbeing post I’d like to introduce you to Susan Davies of Thrive Magazine.

BMG Susan Davies

A self-confessed foodie with a background in design and marketing. After becoming ill with stomach condition Sue turned to her diet and healed herself through food. She’s now retrained in Holistic Nutrition and runs a Design & publishing company called Thrive Publishing. Thrive helps to promote natural, ethical and healthy brands and products. Read her story here…

She also publishes her own Health & Nutrition magazine called Thrive. A quarterly magazine that shares the latest news and features about all things healthy and natural…www.thrivepublishing.co.uk

Describe yourself in 3 short, fab and fun sentences

A self-confessed foodie and health guru out to help people find more natural food and products. I love local. I love community and want every wonderful human on this planet to ‘Thrive’.

Sue DaviesWhat made you decide to become an entrepreneur?

I gathered so much knowledge and experience in healthy food and healthy natural products that I just had to start sharing it with everyone. I’m on a mission to get the world healthy. So, I started Thrive Magazine.  I also trained in Holistic Nutrition.

Thrive Magazine - Winter2015Who has been your biggest inspiration in business?

James Duigan from Bodyism. I listened to an interview with him 6 years ago on London Real and was absolutely amazed how humble he was with the knowledge he has about Health & fitness.

What’s the best business advice you’ve ever been given?

Follow your gut on everything.  Align yourself with people who have the knowledge you crave.

What three tips would you give when working on your health?
  • Always listen to what your body is telling you – it really does know more that your mind
  • Look to make small adjustments to start – start using natural ingredients
  • You can have those days where you’re not so good, it’s about getting your own balance
What are the three biggest mistakes that people make when trying to lose weight?
  1. They go on a diet scheme (there’s a few that I can’t stand, but let’s not mention names, you can guess)
  2. One little treat and they think they have failed – it’s about balance
  3. They start eating low-fat options, low calorie drinks etc – these are some of the worst products that you could put inside your body
What if I have no idea where to start with using natural products, what do you suggest?

Small changes are best, so switch to an organic, chemical free shampoo, for instance. I also offer Cleanside reports which help you to eliminate all the nasties in your daily routines, so I identify all of the possible chemicals you may be ingesting through not just your food, but also the hygiene products that you use and then work with you to eliminate these and make healthy, more natural choices.

How much time do I really need to spend on cooking a healthy meal?

Wow, this could be anything from 10 minutes to rustle up a lovely super salad full of nuts, seeds and greens to a few hours to create that perfect dinner. There are so many simple recipes available now. Check out some of our fabulous recipes by our Thrive Magazine writers.

If I wanted to connect and/or work with you where would I find you?

www.thrivepublishing.co.uk and also soon to be www.thrive-magazine.co.uk

Thanks Susan for some great hints and tips. You may have noticed I’ve been featuring a few posts now around health and wellbeing.  As coaches, it’s so important to look after your health.  Self-care is vital when running your own business.  How well do you look after your health?

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Filed Under: Health & Wellbeing, Self Care, Wellbeing Tagged With: , ,

A Simple Reflection Tool For Boosting Your Confidence

January 11, 2015 by 2 Comments

Welcome to day 10 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days.  If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there.  I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly.  The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you.  Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life.  You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday we explored self care and as this is such an important topic I want you to continue working on it today.  It’s also time to reflect on what you’ve learnt/done so far as part of this 30 day blogging series.  We’ve covered a lot of areas, but if you only read the posts and don’t take action then you won’t make progress.  Yes, part of coaching is about action but we also need to stop and reflect on what’s working and what’s not working for us.  I’m going to share a simple reflection tool for boosting your confidence but firstly let’s understand why reflection is important.

Why spend time reflecting?  We’re often so busy ‘doing’ that we don’t stop to find out what’s working well, or not so well, for us.

Reflecting can be a great way to

  • Figure out what’s really working for you and what needs to change
  • Consider what progress you’ve made and what needs to be done next
  • Understand what needs to change, be developed, or just stopped altogether
  • Give you more control over your life because you have taken the time to stop and rethink things through
  • Recognise the areas you need to celebrate.  Taking action is one thing but you need to stop and celebrate your achievements before moving onto the next thing.  It doesn’t matter how small the step, be proud of yourself – celebrate!

Use this simple reflection tool of Stop-Start-Continue.

What do you want to stop-start-continue to boost your confidence?  You might want to stop using negative self talk, you might want to start taking action steps on applying for that job, you might want to continue writing compliments in your journal.

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Today’s Task

Spend some time reflecting today on all of that we’ve covered in the series.  If you’ve missed any of the posts then you’ll find a full list with links on yesterday’s post here.  Choose just one thing that you’re going to focus on today and do it well.  Not sure where to start?  I’m guessing that strengths list has been put to one side, how about you get that out and add a few more strengths?

Exactly Where You Need To Be

So today we’ve explored the value of reflection and how it can boost your confidence, I’ve shared a simple reflection tool with you and set you a task.  Leave me a comment below to let me know what you’ve chosen as your one thing to focus on today.

Want some added fun and support?  Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge. Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Are you studying to be a Coach or ready to get serious about your coaching business?

MY COACHING ROCKS BOOTCAMP STARTS TOMORROW

COME AND JOIN ME TO GET YOUR COACHING BUSINESS ROCKING IN 2015!

CR BC FB BANNER

If you want to boost your confidence in your business skills come and join my Coaching Rocks Bootcamp programme starting TOMORROW.  I take you through a fabulous and simple 12 step blueprint to get your business up, running and earning.  Be quick – spaces are limited.  Grab your spot now while you can.

Filed Under: Blogging, Challenges, Confidence, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

The Ritual Of Self Care

January 10, 2015 by 8 Comments

Welcome to day 9 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days.  If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there.  I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly.  The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you.  Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life.  You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday we talked about procrastination and how it can dent your confidence.  Today we’re going to be focusing on self care and how to prevent burnout.

9

Recently I was asked if I’d like to co-author 3 chapters of a personal development book so I was asking in my Coaching Rocks group (my freebie support group for coaches and people thinking about coaching) what aspects of my work; confidence/skills/business, did they think would make a good read?  One reply I received that I loved was this, “You talk very convincingly about the importance of self care as an essential spring board to being ‘fabulous’ in business. (You’ve managed to convince me anyway!) I also like your passion for authenticity and being ‘the fabulous you’.”

I’m SO proud of this comment, do you know why?  Because my own self-care is a HUGE work in progress.  Last year I knew I needed to work on my self-care because I throw myself into my coaching business (well everything actually) and as a result I get burnout, to the point I can do nothing for a few days every few months.  I knew I needed to kick this overwork-overwhelm-burnout cycle so I made a conscious effort to work on my self-care and to help my clients do the same thing, as I know it’s key to running your own business.  In fact I think it’s so very important that it’s part of my first module of my Coaching Rocks Bootcamp where I teach how to build the foundations of a business in 12 steps.

I want you to make that conscious effort too, for you and also with your coaching clients.  Let’s start helping people to take better care of themselves first.

 

Let me share with you the one biggest thing that I learnt on my own journey of discovering self care.

Self Care

This huge realisation came to me when working with my Mentor.  I was sharing how I kept hitting this cycle and couldn’t get myself out of it.  So what do I mean?  Very often we adopt self care strategies when it’s too late.  We hit the point that we know we have to take some ‘me’ time and start to throw in some coping strategies to quickly improve the situation.  It might be a ‘I’ll read a book in the bath tonight – that will help’ or ‘I’ll have some time working in my shed’  and it works…for a while…but then it’s back to square one of pushing and pushing because we feel re-energised and ready to go again.  That’s not enough though, you’re just doing all you can to get through a rough patch.

What you (we) need is a maintenance plan where your self care becomes a ritual, something you repeat day in day out.  If you’re like me and lots of my clients you might not want to do exactly the same thing every single day so you can have lots of different things that you count as self care and choose from those.

Here are just a few examples;

  • Reading a book
  • Bubble bath
  • Going for a walk or some form of exercise
  • Switching off technology
  • Shopping
  • Hobbies – crafts, gaming, rock climbing
  • Watching movies
  • Meditation
  • Creativity – doodling, singing, dancing, painting, drawing
  • Plus many, many more ….

We’ve talked about how self care is important for your business, how you can avoid burnout and explored a few ideas of what you could start to incorporate as daily self care rituals.  Now onto today’s task.

Today’s Task

Do my simple self care quiz to identify any gaps in your self care and share in the comments below what you’re going to focus on. Then write yourself a mini list of self care things you might like to try, just start with 2 or 3 to get your list going.  Get as creative as you can with your list – Self care can cover so many areas – it’s not about what others think, it’s about what makes you feel as though you’ve cared for you, those things that make you feel re-energised and full of life again.

Series Links So Far

The best bit about this challenge so far has been hearing about the shifts in mindset from people – it excites me the impact simple little coaching exercises can have when people just take the time to be open to trying new things.  For those of you taking those baby steps I’m so glad to have you joining me on this journey.  Here are the links again in case you’ve missed any of the series so far.

  1. From Zero Confidence to Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days
  2. A Simple Way To Strengthen Your Confidence
  3. How To Boost Your Confidence At Any Time
  4. Finally The Truth About Confidence
  5. The Really Simple Way To Boost Confidence
  6. Dealing with your inner critic
  7. 7 Simple Tips To Turn Around Negative Self Talk
  8. Breaking Free From Procrastination

A couple of the other bloggers doing this challenge have also been writing about mindset and self care – check out their posts too – it’s always great to learn different perspectives and reinforce your learning 🙂

Want some added fun and support?  Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge. Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Are you studying to be a Coach or ready to get serious about your coaching business?

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If you want to boost your confidence in your business skills come and join my Coaching Rocks Bootcamp programme starting next Monday.  I take you through a fabulous and simple 12 step blueprint to get your business up, running and earning.  Be quick – spaces are limited.  Grab your spot now while you can.

Filed Under: Blogging, Challenges, Confidence, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

3 Tips To Working On Self-Confidence

June 3, 2014 by Leave a Comment

One of the areas I found a bit of a mystery even after completing my coaching training was confidence.  I still wasn’t really sure how to work with someone if they said they felt they had low confidence. I was nervous about stepping into counselling territory and damaging a client for life!  I think it’s safe to say that most clients present with a certain amount of  lack of confidence in one area or another.  Today I’m going to share 3 tips to working on self-confidence with your clients. Self Confidence is so important. It’s the difference between living our dreams or staying hidden in the background.  A big assumption from those that lack confidence is that they see everyone that appears confident is always like that.

Confidence is something that is topped up.  Even the most confident people have self doubt from time to time, it’s how they pull themselves up from it that counts. It can take the simplest of words to crush our spirits, to sow a tiny seed of doubt that can knock us for six. Paul McGee, in his book, ‘Self Confidence’ teaches that we don’t need to work on becoming a super confident person, we just need to focus on boosting our confidence by 10%  It makes such a huge difference. What difference would a 10% boost of confidence make to your clients?  It could be the difference between applying for a job and not.  Often clients will tell you that they don’t want to become arrogant, their perception is that boosting their confidence will lead to them becoming hard versions of their former selves.  By helping them to perceive a 10% change it doesn’t seem such a daunting step. If you imagine a staircase each little knock takes us one step lower, however in the same way each little positive comment/thought can take us up a step.

As with any project you would break it down into small goals and the same can apply to confidence – get them to treat it like a project.  What might be their very first step in moving forward with confidence?  If a job was their goal then the very first step might simply be to buy the local paper or to get a new haircut.  They don’t have to get to the very top immediately, or even at all, they can take one step at a time. Love Yourself First (1) Here are 3 tips to working on self-confidence with a client;

1. Help Them Be Kind To Themselves One of the first places to start with self-confidence is to help your client be kind to themselves. When was the last time they spent time for them? Often clients will say they are being self-ish if they take me-time. It’s not selfish to spend time on yourself, it’s self-care. How can you give to others if you haven’t looked after yourself? Get them to block out some time in their diary for time spent just for them. It could be 10 minutes talking to their best friend or an hour in the bath. It doesn’t matter as long as they carve out some of that time. When I first started working with my Coach she recommended writing a list of 10 things I’d like to do each day for me. Things on my daily list now are; walking my dog, eating a small amount of chocolate (you have to get your priorities right from day one!), reading a book with a cuppa etc. Want to know how well you’re doing on self-care? Try out this quiz.
2. Get Them to Mind Their Language Being kind to yourself is all about your language too. What would they say to a friend that said some of the mean things they say to themselves? Language plays a huge part in how we feel. We don’t realise how much of what we say affects our subconscious. It’s so important to catch our negative self talk and to challenge it. Get them to spend one day focusing on what they say to themselves and catch the ‘should’s’, ‘must’s’, ‘never’s’ and can’t’s. Once they are aware of their negative self talk they can then turn it around.
  • Replace ‘I should’ and ‘I must’ with ‘I could’ or ‘I choose to…’
  • Replace ‘I could never do that’ with ‘I may do that sometime’
  • Replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘How can I ….?’
  • Replace ‘I can try’ with ‘I will’

The key to this is not judging what they say to themselves, that will only make things worse. Get them to notice that they do it and correct themselves without judgement. The more they do this the easier it will become.  You may even find them laughing in their sessions with you as they start to replace the negative words they’ve been using with positive ones.

3. Get Them to Keep A Journal Get them to keep a note of their mini achievements in a journal. A mini achievement could be something as simple as clearing a pile of paperwork or attending an event on their own. As they recognise their achievements it can really help build their confidence and make them realise that actually they’re not that bad! It’s all about momentum too, all of these little building blocks help to boost their self-esteem. If they like girly things get them to buy a really pretty journal that makes them smile when they use it. If not girly, or for guys, what about an online journal or a daily planner? Take them to a place of possibility – imagine what they could achieve if they boosted their confidence by just 10% What could you achieve with a 10% boost?  Leave a comment in the post below, I’d love to know. Want to work on ways to build your coaching confidence, skills and business?  I’m about to launch an online coaching club – to be kept up to date sign up for  my newsletter below and you’ll be one of the first to hear about it. Until Next Time Blog Image No Logo

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Filed Under: Confidence, Mindset, Positive Language, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

Stressed Out?

August 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I write this post as a self-confessed worrier, not as any kind of expert whatsoever.  I say ‘stress’ in the loosest sense… for those days when we say we feel ‘stressed out’, not in a medical/psychological way. I will leave all the ‘technical’ stuff to … well, the experts.  I just want others to learn some of the strategies that I’ve found helpful so far.

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Over on facebook this week I’ve been asking a few questions around ‘stress’, such as;

  • What one thing could you change today to make life a little less stressful?
  • When are you going to let go of your stress?  (add to this, your stressful behaviours, your unhelpful reactions & responses)

Sometimes the answer is really simple; slow down, take some time out for me, listen to others, go to bed earlier

Others it’s more complex; it could be your job or home life or relationship that stresses you out

Changing how you think about whatever that thing is that’s stressing you out can really make a difference.   What if it’s you?  What if your inner voice is driving you crazy, saying you’re not pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, clever enough…? What then?

You can change how you react.  Just keep remembering that.  I know if I have an overwhelming list of things to do and I start telling myself I will never get through the list, then it’s likely that I will never get through the list.  I’m so busy focusing on what I can’t do that I forget what can be achieved if I just put my mind to it.

Some strategies I’ve found helpful in my quest for a peaceful mind;

  1. Write a list – when you have a list you can feel more in control of what needs to be achieved.  Even if it’s enormous it makes it more achievable
  2. Take time to relax – a tough one when you have a busy, creative mind but very important.  What makes your heart sing? Do more of that!  I love to make cards, crochet, be creative.  Get into that ‘where did the time go zone’.
  3. Get organised – They say a tidy house means a tidy mind.  Get rid of all of those annoying little DIY jobs, cluttered cupboards, paperwork piles that drain your energy every time you see them
  4. Calm your mind – Whether that’s reading a book, exercise, doing meditation, going for a walk in nature.  Do whatever it is that makes you feel calm and focused in the present moment.   Not sure what you might like?  Pick one thing and do it, if you don’t like it move onto something else
  5. Change yourself – instead of trying to change the other person, accept them for who they are and see what needs to change within you.   If you find someone really irritates you find a way to notice their good points, rather than trying to pick up on all their bad ones to support your theory
  6. Gratitude – you know I always go on about this, because it truly is so key to a happy and calm life.  Be grateful for what you have, appreciate the small things, they really are so often the big things in life
  7. Listen to music – there’s nothing quite like a good boogie to lift your spirits and make you forget all of your niggling worries
  8. The basics – Eating well, sleeping well, drinking water all help too.  Look after your body
  9. Say no – what/who do you need to say ‘No’, or even ‘Yes’, to?  What difference could that one little word make to your life?

The best strategy so far?

Have fun!!

Filed Under: Health & Wellbeing, Mindset, Self Care, Stress Tagged With: , ,

Confidence

July 13, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hi, how has your week been?  Have you been enjoying the sunshine?!  It has been beautiful, hasn’t it?

It’s been a really full on week so I haven’t had much time to put virtual pen to paper.

Quote created at behappy.me

Over on my Facebook group page this week and in recent Cappuccino Coaching Sessions we’ve been talking around the subject of confidence and what it means.  It always fascinates me how people view it.  Confidence means so many things to different people.

What is evident though is that people can often show up as being confident, but actually they don’t feel that way underneath and they have to top up their confidence/boost their self-esteem from time to time, or in some cases on a regular basis.  Some people are naturally confident.. Oh to be like that.  For others it really is a case of working on it.  But where do you start?

Build up gradually.  You wouldn’t start a new job and have all of the skills you need if you hadn’t had the training.   The same applies to confidence.  Each day do something that helps you to improve it, whether it’s smiling at someone in the street or starting a conversation with someone you’ve never met before.  The more you gently push yourself outside of your comfort zone the easier it becomes, honestly!

I’ve been putting together a mini freebie eBook giving some top tips for confidence and will share more about that another time, but it’s really all about taking baby steps and before you know it you will be walking tall and feeling fabulous!

Want some more info on different ways to boost your confidence/self-esteem in the meantime?  Check out some of these blog posts…

Making Decisions  – Often when we’re not feeling confident we find decision making difficult.  Use this formula to help you make decisions

People Pleasing –  Ready to stop people pleasing?  Here are some top tips

Networking sends you under the table to hide?   Download my Networking tips

Mind Your Language – how changing your language can improve your confidence

A lot of my work is around helping people improve their confidence in themselves during the coaching journey so don’t ever feel you’re on your own.  Even the most confident people need help from time to time.

I’d love to hear some confidence boosting tips from you.  Why not take some time out for yourself and come along to my next Cappuccino Coaching event, learn something new to help you live your life in colour!

Filed Under: Confidence, Positive Language, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

Are you a People Pleaser?

July 5, 2013 by 2 Comments

People pleasing is bad for your health.  No, seriously, I mean it.  It makes you anxious, it’s draining and exhausting and you can never win.  

 Not sure if you are a people pleaser?  Answer these questions..

  • Do you often find yourself overcommitted?
  • Do you worry what people might think of you if you say ‘no’?
  • Do you always put others’ needs before your own?
  • Do you keep the peace because it’s easier than saying what you want?
  • Do you keep your opinions to yourself?

If you answered ‘yes’ to the above questions then it could be that you’re a people pleaser.  Warning.. you may not like what I’m about to say… When you people please it’s often due to lack of self-worth.  You put others’ worth ahead of your own because you feel they matter more than you do.  Not great to hear, is it?  We all have different strengths and qualities to bring to the world.  You are just as important as everyone else, you just need to believe that.   

I’m not saying don’t help people.  I am saying help people because you want to, not because you feel you ‘should’ or ‘have to’.  That just undermines your self worth.
  • What or who do you need to say ‘no’ to?    
  • What is the benefit to you of holding onto this ‘you’re more important than I am’ ethos?
  • What needs to happen for you to honour and value yourself?
Ready to stop people pleasing?  Try my top tips
  1. Know that you are fabulous!  Just be you, don’t try and prove yourself to others. Some people will accept you for who you are, others won’t.  Just accept that and life becomes a lot easier
  2. Set boundaries – know what is/isn’t acceptable to you
  3. Make space – If you tend to overcommit make the decision to think before you commit, thank the other person for their invitation and tell them you will get back to them once you’ve had chance to check your diary.  This gives you some space to consider whether it’s what you really want and to build in enough time to fit in all you want to do
  4. Remember you’re not responsible – you are not responsible for others’ happiness, despite how they might make you feel if you don’t do what they want you to do.  You are responsible for your own happiness though so start taking responsibility and you will be happier
  5. Have a conversation – if you feel you’re not being treated the way you want to be then talk about it. Tell the other person how it makes you feel.  They won’t know if you don’t tell them and until you change they won’t
  6. Drop the guilt – See people because you want to, go to things because you want to, do things because you want to.  Don’t feel guilty about saying no.  People will enjoy your company a lot more if you actually want to be there
  7. Stop saying ‘sorry’!  You don’t need to be sorry for honouring yourself.  Don’t apologise, don’t justify, don’t make up excuses for why you don’t want to do something.  If it’s not for you that’s ok.  Just say you won’t be able to make it/do whatever it is that’s being asked of you and move on.
 What’s the worst that could happen if you spoke up for what you want or believe is right? Probably not much and you never know you might actually start pleasing yourself for a change 🙂  What fun!
 
Missed my Be My Guest post yesterday?  Then you really should check it out.  I had the fabulous Claire Mitchell sharing her business/marketing tips
 
If you want some help with setting boundaries get in touch.
 
Filed Under: People Pleasing, Self Care Tagged With:
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