How 2 Words (+ A Few Gaps) Can Boost Your Clients’ Confidence

August 26, 2014 by Leave a Comment

As coaches our job is to help clients fill in the gaps, through the use of powerful questions and great listening skills.  We want them to see what they might not be seeing, but fear can sometimes get in their way.

Today I’m sharing a simple, yet powerful tool, that you can use to support your clients and help boost their confidence.

When you first start working with a client you might like to suggest that they find themselves a nice journal so that they can record their coaching journey with you.  They can put things in there such as a-ha moments, mini strategies and tools that you’ve helped them with, or even as a place to do some homework.

I’m a huge fan of crafty things, and for those of you who follow my Pinterest boards you will know that I LOVE to pin all sorts of crafty yumminess.  I make hand-made cards, I crochet, bake, scrapbook, I do Zentangle (a form of doodling) and more recently I’ve started journalling. Creativity is a great way to get clients out of their own way – you will be amazed at what can unfold when in the middle of a creative project.

Aside from that though offering a client the opportunity to explore and complete some prompts where they have to fill in the gaps can be just as powerful as asking coaching questions.  What it can also do is give them a way of recognising where their negative language might be at play.  Changing your language is a very powerful way of boosting your confidence.  Let’s explore a couple of the combinations below;

Fill In The Gaps

“I am….”  Your client might say “I am overweight”, or “A bad friend”

Get them to turn that around into more positive language – either into an affirmation if that’s something they might like to use, for example, “I make sensible food choices and am at my perfect weight”.  Or – if they find that too uncomfortable for how they really feel about themselves at that moment then they might say something like “I am making sensible choices in order to be the weight I want to be”.

“I feel….” Your client might say, “I feel overwhelmed”, or “I feel disappointed that x didn’t go well”

Again get them to turn around that thinking – “I feel confident that I have more than enough time to achieve all I need to do” and “I feel I’ve learnt some useful things from that x that I can now use to do it in a better way next time.”

A useful tip is simply to get your client to FLIP the negative phrase to the complete opposite and then get them to find some evidence to prove that instead.

One way I’d like to help you personally to fill in the gaps is to show you a blueprint in my FREE 60 minute live webinar tomorrow at 12.30pm GMT

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I will go through some of the key areas you need to be doing to get your coaching business off the ground.

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ps – if you haven’t signed up to my newsletter yet then you can do so below.  Each week I share bitesize coaching hints and tips for boosting your coaching confidence, skills and business. Know other Coaches?  Send them my way 🙂

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Filed Under: Creativity, Homework, Limiting Beliefs Tagged With: , , ,

I’m Fabulous Thank You!

July 1, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Fabulous!When I worked for Weight Watchers I was asked to compile and deliver a presentation on one of the company values, ‘Positive Energy’. As part of the training I got them to play a game around how to improve the energy of the group sessions we ran, they basically just had to ask each other how they were and each reply with, “I’m fabulous, thank you”!

Now this all started when I had been running a meeting and my helpers had not had a great week.  They were a bit disgruntled so I said, ‘Right, let everything out that’s bothering you for the next minute. After that I’m going to ask you how you are and you’re going to say, “I’m fabulous, thank you”. The vibe in the room was electric, the energy lifted and you could literally feel people’s moods changing. From that moment on every time someone asked how they were they replied, “I’m fabulous, thank you” and we all had great fun with it! It became such a thing that even now I get pictures of cards sent to me with the word ‘fabulous’ on them, photos of biscuit packets with the word ‘fabulous’ on and they even started using #fabulous over on Twitter!!  It’s well.. fabulous!!  I love the buzz!

Why am I telling you this? For two reasons;

1. As a Coach it can be hard to be upbeat if something has happened to you just before a session or if life is throwing you a curve ball, but you have to hold that space for your client. Their session is about them, not you, so you have to do what you can to feel fabulous before your session starts.

You’ll be working with your clients to make sure they get a good balance in their lives and you need to do the same.  You can’t serve others if you’re not in a great place yourself.  So whether it’s a 5 minute meditation, a walk with the dog, a scream from the top of the stairs.. it doesn’t matter. Do whatever it takes to be ready to coach your client in the best way that you can. Saying, “I’m fabulous” can also work if you’re having a bit of a confidence crisis!  What do you do to get yourself in the zone for clients?

2. If you’re working with clients who are being quite negative help them to reframe how they see things. I’m not suggesting being all Pollyanna about it, but sometimes it just takes a small tweak in perspective for us to feel better. Remember “It’s not the events of our lives that shape us but the meaning we attach to those events” – Tony Robbins.   Help your client to change their perspective and if it involves something fun they are more likely to feel more positive much quicker.

So now when someone says to you, “How are you?”  I want you to reply …. “I’m fabulous thank you”.  I dare you to try it.  It will surprise you and others how it can make you feel!

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Speaking of fabulous.. Do you want to spend some time with other fabulous Coaches and learn how to build your business through group coaching at the same time?  Join my Cappuccino Coaching Club.  Already some of the Coaches have started sourcing venues, booking in dates and started taking action on bringing in an additional iCCS Badge FINAL Leannencome stream to their coaching businesses.

Here’s what Corinne Wilhelm, of Byte Sized English, has to say about it … “You know that “Ooh, I could make that work!” moment? There are lots of those in Ruby’s Cappuccino Coaching Club!”

ps – if you haven’t signed up to my newsletter yet then you can do so below.  Each week I share bitesize coaching hints and tips for boosting your coaching confidence, skills and business. Know other Coaches?  Send them my way 🙂

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Filed Under: Bitesize Biz, Cappuccino Coaching Club, Coaching, Confidence, Fun, Life Coaching, Positive Language, Questioning Techniques Tagged With: , , , ,

3 Tips To Working On Self-Confidence

June 3, 2014 by Leave a Comment

One of the areas I found a bit of a mystery even after completing my coaching training was confidence.  I still wasn’t really sure how to work with someone if they said they felt they had low confidence. I was nervous about stepping into counselling territory and damaging a client for life!  I think it’s safe to say that most clients present with a certain amount of  lack of confidence in one area or another.  Today I’m going to share 3 tips to working on self-confidence with your clients. Self Confidence is so important. It’s the difference between living our dreams or staying hidden in the background.  A big assumption from those that lack confidence is that they see everyone that appears confident is always like that.

Confidence is something that is topped up.  Even the most confident people have self doubt from time to time, it’s how they pull themselves up from it that counts. It can take the simplest of words to crush our spirits, to sow a tiny seed of doubt that can knock us for six. Paul McGee, in his book, ‘Self Confidence’ teaches that we don’t need to work on becoming a super confident person, we just need to focus on boosting our confidence by 10%  It makes such a huge difference. What difference would a 10% boost of confidence make to your clients?  It could be the difference between applying for a job and not.  Often clients will tell you that they don’t want to become arrogant, their perception is that boosting their confidence will lead to them becoming hard versions of their former selves.  By helping them to perceive a 10% change it doesn’t seem such a daunting step. If you imagine a staircase each little knock takes us one step lower, however in the same way each little positive comment/thought can take us up a step.

As with any project you would break it down into small goals and the same can apply to confidence – get them to treat it like a project.  What might be their very first step in moving forward with confidence?  If a job was their goal then the very first step might simply be to buy the local paper or to get a new haircut.  They don’t have to get to the very top immediately, or even at all, they can take one step at a time. Love Yourself First (1) Here are 3 tips to working on self-confidence with a client;

1. Help Them Be Kind To Themselves One of the first places to start with self-confidence is to help your client be kind to themselves. When was the last time they spent time for them? Often clients will say they are being self-ish if they take me-time. It’s not selfish to spend time on yourself, it’s self-care. How can you give to others if you haven’t looked after yourself? Get them to block out some time in their diary for time spent just for them. It could be 10 minutes talking to their best friend or an hour in the bath. It doesn’t matter as long as they carve out some of that time. When I first started working with my Coach she recommended writing a list of 10 things I’d like to do each day for me. Things on my daily list now are; walking my dog, eating a small amount of chocolate (you have to get your priorities right from day one!), reading a book with a cuppa etc. Want to know how well you’re doing on self-care? Try out this quiz.
2. Get Them to Mind Their Language Being kind to yourself is all about your language too. What would they say to a friend that said some of the mean things they say to themselves? Language plays a huge part in how we feel. We don’t realise how much of what we say affects our subconscious. It’s so important to catch our negative self talk and to challenge it. Get them to spend one day focusing on what they say to themselves and catch the ‘should’s’, ‘must’s’, ‘never’s’ and can’t’s. Once they are aware of their negative self talk they can then turn it around.
  • Replace ‘I should’ and ‘I must’ with ‘I could’ or ‘I choose to…’
  • Replace ‘I could never do that’ with ‘I may do that sometime’
  • Replace ‘I can’t’ with ‘How can I ….?’
  • Replace ‘I can try’ with ‘I will’

The key to this is not judging what they say to themselves, that will only make things worse. Get them to notice that they do it and correct themselves without judgement. The more they do this the easier it will become.  You may even find them laughing in their sessions with you as they start to replace the negative words they’ve been using with positive ones.

3. Get Them to Keep A Journal Get them to keep a note of their mini achievements in a journal. A mini achievement could be something as simple as clearing a pile of paperwork or attending an event on their own. As they recognise their achievements it can really help build their confidence and make them realise that actually they’re not that bad! It’s all about momentum too, all of these little building blocks help to boost their self-esteem. If they like girly things get them to buy a really pretty journal that makes them smile when they use it. If not girly, or for guys, what about an online journal or a daily planner? Take them to a place of possibility – imagine what they could achieve if they boosted their confidence by just 10% What could you achieve with a 10% boost?  Leave a comment in the post below, I’d love to know. Want to work on ways to build your coaching confidence, skills and business?  I’m about to launch an online coaching club – to be kept up to date sign up for  my newsletter below and you’ll be one of the first to hear about it. Until Next Time Blog Image No Logo

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Filed Under: Confidence, Mindset, Positive Language, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

5 Tips for Silencing your Inner Critic – Be Your Own Best Friend

May 6, 2014 by 1 Comment

I was thrilled to be asked to write the following article for a website for women called Platform 505, you can view the original article here.  If you find you don’t talk very nicely to yourself then read on to learn 5 tips for silencing your inner critic and being your own best friend.

These are also great strategies to use with your clients in helping them to be kinder to themselves.

Would you be friends with this person?

Do you have nice friends? I used to have a horrible one.

I used to be 4 stone heavier than I am right now. I had a friend that always put me down when I saw her. She would look at me and say things like, ‘You’ve put on weight”, “Your face looks fat”, “Those jeans really don’t suit you”, “People will be able to tell you’ve put on weight – you can’t go out looking like that”.

I wanted to tell her where to go but I wasn’t strong enough. I wanted to tell her that she was being unkind, that I would never speak to anyone else in that way but I couldn’t. Why? Because it was me – I was the one being so unkind to myself. I looked in the mirror each day and said the nastiest things to myself.

It can happen to us when we want to lose weight but it can also happen to us in so many other ways; the imposter syndrome – when we think we aren’t good enough to be in the job we are in or the business we run, afraid that we will get found out at some point. When we think we aren’t good enough mums, wives, girlfriends. Not good enough for (fill in the blank).

But here’s the thing – you ARE good enough – exactly as you are, right now.

Internal Record-3

As women we want to feel fabulous and confident but we often bring a little friend with us that can damage all that we set out to achieve. The fantastic news is that we don’t have to listen that constant internal voice that chatters away ninety to the dozen, undermining all that we do and say, making us feel that we are not good enough.

Here are 5 tips for overcoming that inner chatter.

  1. Notice the language you are using to yourself, things like ‘I can’t’, ‘I couldn’t possibly’, I’d never be able to do that’, ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m rubbish at..’ It becomes such a regular thing that we often don’t even notice we are saying unkind things to ourselves. Make a note of how often it crops up, what time of day, in what situations (either a mental note or on paper)
  1. When you hear yourself say, “I’m not good enough for…” start gathering evidence for when/where you are good enough. Start to build up a strengths list. It might be you’re great at cooking dinner or creating the latest cocktail write it down
  1. When you say you can’t do x, y, z play the ‘What If’ game. What if you could?
  1. Keep a note of your compliments in a journal or on a file on your computer, they are great to read through when you’re in a place of self doubt and the chatter is going mad
  1. Write out an affirmation – a positive statement in the present that helps you view things more positively, “I love my body”, “I love being this weight”, “I succeed in all that I do”, “I am good at my job”, “I’m a great Mum” etc.

Changing our inner dialogue takes time, but you can do it. Just take a step at a time and treat yourself in the way you would your best friend – with kindness.

So now that you’re kinder, more loving and more compassionate to yourself – would you be friends with this new person? Yes, so would I.

If you haven’t checked out Platform 505 yet then pop on over, it has some great articles.

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Filed Under: Articles, Confidence, Inner Critic, Mindset, Negative Language, Platform 505, Positive Language Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Fill Your Bucket – How to Make Life More Positive

January 24, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Hi there, how’s your week been?  Now think carefully before you answer that question because you might be emptying my bucket!  What on earth am I on about?

Well I had this book recommended to me recently called ‘How Full Is Your Bucket‘ by Tom Rath & Donald Clifton.  It’s all about positive strategies for life and work.  The theory is basically this;

“Everyone has an invisible bucket.  We are at our best when our buckets are overflowing – and at our worst when they are empty.

Everyone also has an invisible dipper.  In each interaction we can use our dipper either to fill or dip from others’ buckets.

Whenever we choose to fill others’ buckets we in turn fill our own”

So when you are interacting with someone in a positive way you are filling their bucket, when you’re being negative you’re draining it.  The fab thing is that when we fill up others’ buckets ours gets fuller too as a knock on effect.  I know which one I’m choosing!  

You all will probably have noticed by now that positivity is high on my list of priorities, in fact it’s my 4th top core value so of course I had to read the book.  It’s a lovely little book with lots of hints and tops and research to back it all up too – So in summary go and read it and then come back here and tell me how you fill people’s buckets.  Want to read more about it?  You can find out more at www.bucketbook.com.  You can even take the Postive Impact Test to get your bucket filling score! So the next time you have an interaction with someone ask yourself are you filling their bucket or dipping into it?

What else is news?

I have been working frantically in the background on a 3 month Group Coaching Programme called Live Your Life In Colour.  More to come on that next week.  

I set myself a challenge of reading 40 books this year as I have a bad habit of buying lots of books and reading them all at once because I can’t help myself.  I currently have about 10 on the go, eek!  This is my first completed one, I’m slowly working through my list, it’s kinda cheating though as it’s only short!  How many books will you read this year and what’s on your reading list?

So whose bucket will you fill this coming week? Feel free to fill mine by leaving me a wonderful comment below or by sharing this post!!

Don’t forget to join in Make It Happen Monday!  Have a great weekend.

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Filed Under: Book Review, Positive Language, Positive Thinking Tagged With: , ,

7 Top Tips to Get Your Mojo Flowing

November 28, 2013 by 1 Comment

Sometimes there are days when you are 100% motivated and committed to whatever it is that you are doing and then there are other days when, let’s face it, you just can’t be bothered.  It wouldn’t matter if someone lit a firework underneath you there just is no spark there.  So what can you do when there are things to be done and you truly don’t want to bother getting started.

 1. Fake it

Act as though you really are motivated, give yourself a little pep talk reminding yourself of how important it is to get the job done.  Think about how you will feel when you finish the task.  Sometimes faking it to make it is the only way.  Motivation kicks in once you’ve made a start on things.

2. Just bloomin’ start!

Sometimes the ever looming project or task is made into this enormous monster of a task that is completely unnecessary.  If you truly can’t face whatever it is that you need to do set a timer for 25 minutes (for those of you that read my blog regularly you will know I love the Pomodoro App for the iPhone)  and work your butt off until the timer goes off. It’s amazing how much more energised you will feel.  You CAN do something for 25 minutes, you’ve spent way more time than that putting this task off

3. Find the fear

What is the fear hiding underneath this?  Why is it really that you don’t want to do it?  There might be a fear underneath it, such as thinking it won’t be good enough.  If you can find the fear you can then challenge it and ask what if it is good enough?  If it’s just because you’d rather be watching TV then make TV the reward for once you’ve done it.  Carrying around all this, ‘Oh I really must finish x, y or z’ just fills your mind space.  Start to clear those unfinished tasks and watch your energy levels and motivation increase

4.  Break the task down into mini milestones

We often try and do a ridiculous number of things with a to-do list longer than Santa’s Christmas Wish List.  What three things do you really need to get done?  Leonie Dawson, Business Coach/Mentor,  calls them her MITs – Most Important Tasks to do.  Do one thing on each of those tasks TODAY.  Just one incy wincy teeny weeny thing.  Go on… you know you want to!

5. Share

Sharing what you are committing to can be a great way to get focused.  It’s really embarrassing if you’ve declared you’ll do something and then don’t come up with the goods.  A little note on facebook saying, ‘I’m going to be running the 5k next year, will you sponsor me?’ can be a great motivator for you to start training, even if you don’t have an athletic bone in your body.  Trust me if you work on the premise of ‘I can’t let people/myself down’ you will be off that couch with not a single potato in sight!

6. Write a list

Ok, ok, I know.. I’m a list lover, but they help!  If you haven’t done a list then do one now.  Get everything out of your pretty little head and onto paper, it really helps.  Seeing the jobs crossed through as you complete them is really satisfying too! (oh dear, did I say that out loud?!!)

7. Tunes

Put on some upbeat music that gets you feeling all fired up.

Come back and leave me a comment to let me know how you got on. I’d love to hear what you did to get yourself motivated.

Want some tips on procrastination?  Check out my previous blog post here.

 

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Filed Under: Mindset, Motivation, Positive Language, Procrastination, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

5 Tips For Managing Change

September 27, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I was really intrigued this week as to how people reacted to the new IOS7 upgrades for their iPhones and iPads. There were so many differing opinions.  Some liked the change and fully embraced it, some liked bits of it, some hated it and others didn’t do the upgrade because they weren’t sure whether they would like it.

 InstaQuote

It got me thinking more about our resistance to change.  The CIPD (Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development) state ‘there are two broad types of resistance;

  • Resistance to the content of change – for example to a specific change in technology
  • Resistance to the process of change. This concerns the way a change is introduced rather than the object of change

Suggested reasons for resistance include: loss of control, shock of the new, uncertainty, inconvenience, threat to status and competence fears’

Isn’t it interesting how many different things come up for change?  Big scary stuff.

When used positively change can breathe life into things and helps us to grow and develop, learning new things we might never have learnt otherwise but it depends on the situation and how it affects us personally.

It’s interesting too how we can be really anti something when it first changes and then we slowly buy into it over time. We feel threatened by the change in someway at the beginning.

So how can you deal with it, here’s 5 Tips For Managing Change..

  1. Accept that change happens – once you accept that life is full of change it becomes easier to deal with. You don’t have to like it but if it’s going to happen anyway the sooner you accept it the better
  2. Get out of victim mode – how you think about your situation will make a huge difference to the choices you make
  3. Look for the silver lining – often there are opportunities that we don’t notice because we’re too embroiled in the problem
  4. Change your language – if you keep saying, ‘I can’t, or ‘I never’ etc it can keep you stuck. My daughter used to be terrible for saying she couldn’t do something, there was the answer  ‘I can’t’ for everything.  Think how can you change it?  How can you do x, y, z?
  5. Adapt – How can you adapt?  What can you do to make things easier for yourself during the change and going forward?
So next time change comes along make a decision as to how to react.  You can bury your head in the sand or you can choose to make it work for you.  Your choice.

Few extra bits …

If you haven’t signed up to my Cappuccino Coaching Sessions the next one is coming up soon.  Click here for info and to book

Missed the last ‘Be My Guest’ post with Andrew Horder? Click here

Want to learn more about the power of the word, ‘How’?  Click here

Have you booked your free Discovery Session with me yet to see how Coaching can help you?

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Filed Under: Change, Mindset, Positive Language Tagged With: , ,

Feelings

September 6, 2013 by Leave a Comment

How often do you stuff your feelings down?

When I speak with my clients and other people in the personal development world what I often hear is that ‘it’s all well and good having all of this positive thinking but…’

  • what if I don’t feel very positive
  • what if my life isn’t going how I want it

Often in personal development we are told to think positively and I’m all for positive thinking but actually I think it’s really important to feel our feelings, not to dismiss them.  They are a key indicator of what might be happening in our lives.  The only trouble with feeling our feelings is we don’t just acknowledge them we then go on to judge.  We might feel nervous for example and that feeling can alert us to real or perceived danger, it’s when we judge it and add other elements to it that it becomes more complicated.

Quote created: BeHappy.me

Living an authentic life is about being real. It’s fine to acknowledge that actually you’re feeling rubbish and there could be a number of reasons for that, but instead of judging those feelings just sit with them, say to yourself, ‘Isn’t it interesting that I feel uptight about x’.  Sometimes we need those ‘down’ and ‘grumpy’ days to make us appreciate the good times.

Where are you pushing your feelings down?  It’s not healthy, they will rear their ugly head at some point.  Embrace them, find out what it is you need to learn from them.  Is it time to acknowledge them?

One tool that I love to use is EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as ‘Tapping’.  It may seem a bit weird at first but it is a great technique for so many things.  What I like about it is that it’s a method for acknowledging your feelings and then replacing them with positive thoughts once they’ve been allowed to surface.  Want to try it out?  A person that I would recommend is Brad Yates – you can find lots of free videos on YouTube from him, but my particular favourite is this one.. Amazing Day

So have an amazing day, but if you don’t feel that way then make sure you acknowledge those feelings, don’t stuff them down, feel them.  They can be your early warning system.

Did you catch my Be My Guest post last week with Andrew Horder of Busy Fool?  He was sharing some tips about running a business and how to focus.

Enjoyed this post? Please share with people you think would enjoy it too using the share buttons below.

I have another Cappuccino Coaching Session running today, this time the topic is Procrastination.  I am starting some evening sessions too, the first one up is on Monday 16th September at 6pm, the topic is Confidence.  To find out more visit my Events page.

If you want to explore Coaching why not have a free 20 minute Discovery Session to find out more about it. Having someone walking along beside you on your journey can make all the difference.

Filed Under: Feelings, Positive Language Tagged With: ,

Confidence

July 13, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hi, how has your week been?  Have you been enjoying the sunshine?!  It has been beautiful, hasn’t it?

It’s been a really full on week so I haven’t had much time to put virtual pen to paper.

Quote created at behappy.me

Over on my Facebook group page this week and in recent Cappuccino Coaching Sessions we’ve been talking around the subject of confidence and what it means.  It always fascinates me how people view it.  Confidence means so many things to different people.

What is evident though is that people can often show up as being confident, but actually they don’t feel that way underneath and they have to top up their confidence/boost their self-esteem from time to time, or in some cases on a regular basis.  Some people are naturally confident.. Oh to be like that.  For others it really is a case of working on it.  But where do you start?

Build up gradually.  You wouldn’t start a new job and have all of the skills you need if you hadn’t had the training.   The same applies to confidence.  Each day do something that helps you to improve it, whether it’s smiling at someone in the street or starting a conversation with someone you’ve never met before.  The more you gently push yourself outside of your comfort zone the easier it becomes, honestly!

I’ve been putting together a mini freebie eBook giving some top tips for confidence and will share more about that another time, but it’s really all about taking baby steps and before you know it you will be walking tall and feeling fabulous!

Want some more info on different ways to boost your confidence/self-esteem in the meantime?  Check out some of these blog posts…

Making Decisions  – Often when we’re not feeling confident we find decision making difficult.  Use this formula to help you make decisions

People Pleasing –  Ready to stop people pleasing?  Here are some top tips

Networking sends you under the table to hide?   Download my Networking tips

Mind Your Language – how changing your language can improve your confidence

A lot of my work is around helping people improve their confidence in themselves during the coaching journey so don’t ever feel you’re on your own.  Even the most confident people need help from time to time.

I’d love to hear some confidence boosting tips from you.  Why not take some time out for yourself and come along to my next Cappuccino Coaching event, learn something new to help you live your life in colour!

Filed Under: Confidence, Positive Language, Self Care Tagged With: , , ,

Affirmations

May 24, 2013 by 2 Comments

This week over on Facebook I asked the question about whether people love or hate affirmations.  In Coaching it’s quite often suggested as a really powerful tool to help clients.

Affirmations are positive self-statements that are said to have originated from a Psychologist and Pharmacist, Émile Coué (1857-1926).  He used the following quote as a method for healing his patients.  As a result their recovery was shown to be five times faster than that of patients being treated in other institutes.

Émile Coué

 

It is thought that when a positive statement enters your subconscious mind it is thought to be true.  Other examples might be;

  • I am confident in my abilities to do my work effectively
  • I am calm and relaxed in every situation

I’ve read a lot of debate around affirmations and I am still trying to figure them out because there is so much difference of opinion.  What I do believe though is that by turning around our self-talk we can achieve a lot more.

For them to be effective try these four P’s..

  • In the positive
  • In the present
  • Personal to you
  • Powerful

We all know the power of negative language.  Just one simple comment/conversation can have a really profound effect on us.  For example, you bump into someone you haven’t seen for a while and they say how great you look, they think you’re looking really well, vibrant and healthy, you’ve lost weight. What reaction do you have to their comments?  It can start a positive spiral of self-talk, such as ‘I’m feeling great, I’ve been eating better, doing more exercise.  My hard work must be paying off’.  Take the opposite where someone says you look like you’ve put on weight, or you’re looking tired.  You can start to feel quite dispirited and down-hearted. This can then start a negative spiral of self-talk, ‘I look awful, I knew I’d put on weight, I’m rubbish at x, y, z’.

I think the idea of affirmations are great, they can help you change your thought patterns. I just personally find maintaining them quite tricky.  The idea is that you repeat the affirmation many times throughout the day to yourself.  Some of my clients love them and dedicate time to repeating them over and over again (which does make them more effective).  Other clients just use them as a reminder to prompt more positive language.  As you’ve probably gathered though I’m all about keeping it real so there’s no point in telling yourself you’re going to be a fantastic ballerina if you’ve never put on a pair of ballet shoes in your life!

That time when you’re telling yourself you’re overwhelmed and don’t have enough hours in the day switch to saying, ‘There is more than enough time to do all I need to do’.  If you genuinely have an enormous to do list that appears unmanageable and realistically you cannot possibly get all that work done in a day then that affirmation isn’t going to be right here.  A more realistic thing would be to decide what your most important tasks are that need to be done and aim to achieve them.  Telling yourself you have more than enough time when you actually don’t isn’t going to get you anywhere and may only reinforce those overwhelmed feelings.

So whether you think they work or not, if you’re having a bad day with self-talk try one out, you never know it might actually make you feel a bit more positive.  Don’t forget if you are going to say them to yourself in the mirror remember to give it a clean afterwards, mirrors covered in toothpaste don’t look so great!

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