challenge Archives - Ruby McGuire

Hi there, if you’ve been following along then you will know that I’m taking part in the 30 Day Blogging Challenge with Sarah Arrow (for the 2nd time) and combining it with a content challenge that was running last month in Jenn Scalia’s Little Black Business Book membership group.

Today’s post is all about the 10 Worst … I’m sharing the 10 Worst Things About Coaching.

I don’t like writing about negative things. As a poster in one of my old frequented coffee shops used to say, ‘It brings you down, big time’! Keeping it real though, here’s a list of what I consider the 10 worst things about coaching. I’m sure once I’ve done the post I’ll come up with loads of different ones, but right now here they are.

The hype that you can be an overnight success in your business – This is my soap box one! I speak to so many coaches each week that are putting the work in to build their businesses. Yes, you can run a successful business but it takes hard work, persistence, guts and strategy. People that say you can be an overnight success will have put in a lot of work to get there. Each business is very different, what one person does to grow their business will be different to another. Yes, you can learn loads from blueprints, I’ve used a lot myself, but then from that you adapt things to fit your own business.

The time you have to spend marketing – I knew there would be work involved, but I had no idea how much I’d need to know about marketing and that it would take up so much time. When I say the word ‘marketing’ I am including all things to promote your business, whether that’s social media, your blog content, newsletters, networking etc.

People don’t always know what coaching is – It’s a tricky thing to explain. We know it’s an amazing tool to help facilitate change, yet putting it into words is a whole new thing. Stop explaining – just tell people that you help with (enter specific change/transformation) and it’s so much easier.

The industry isn’t regulated – It’s difficult to know who’s been through their coaching qualifications and who hasn’t. In theory, anyone can set themselves up as a coach. Coaching is a skill, it takes time to learn. As someone in one of my groups recently said, ‘there are a lot of charlatans out there’. In my Facebook group for coaches the topic of ‘should you qualify or not’ comes up time and time again.

I might lose some subscribers because of this, but I personally think you should. I think it’s important for your clients to know that you have been through a process to learn the best skills to help them move forward. You may have some of the coaching skills required, through life or work experience, but having the qualifications means that you’re serving your client as best you can. You may never be asked for your credentials, but it gives you a level of professionalism. Aside from that it’s fascinating to learn and it’s fun! You will learn heaps about yourself in the process.

The coaching world is noisy – There’s a lot of noise out there on social media. There are a lot of coaches, with lots of crossover in skills and offerings. It can be difficult to get your message across unless you’re really clear on what you do, which leads me to my next point.

Niching – I know, I’ve said it before, but to get ahead of coaching you have to differentiate yourself from everyone else. You have to speak to your audience, people that you understand and can help with their challenges. If you just call yourself a coach then your potential clients will go to someone that has that additional thing that they’re looking for. You need to become an expert. We all know that you can coach anyone, but that doesn’t help you to build your business. You need to niche to set yourself apart from everyone else.

It can be difficult to attract paying clients – Unless you get your messages right and are consistent. A couple of key things that have resulted in me getting paying clients have been;

a) have conversations with potential clients. I don’t think ‘selling’ now, I think ‘relationship building’. I love to chat with people, learn about them, find out how I can best help them through working with me in groups, 121 or through my content.

b) be really clear on what you’re offering and to who (oh noooo, not back to that old niching thing again!) Sorry, yes!

Loneliness – It can be a lonely world being a coach. I’m an introvert, but I still find sometimes that I can go a bit stir crazy if I’m not meeting or chatting with people, on/offline. This is where social media can be great. Get out there and network offline too though, build relationships in the real world.

You need selling skills – I don’t mean dodgy salesman stuff – just how to talk to people, to understand what they need and then offer the right thing to them at the right time, instead of bumbling around in a conversation offering half a dozen things and overwhelming them! Remember, no sales = no business.

Pricing – It’s tough knowing what to price. Some people go for really low priced point packages, some do hourly rates, some do high end packages.

Your turn: What do you think are the worst things about coaching? Share in the comments below.

7 Things Coaching School FINAL Cover If you liked this post then you’ll love my weekly newsletter. Sign up and grab a copy of my freebie mini eBook, 7 Things They Didn’t Tell You At Coaching School (you could be losing money & clients as a result).

Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Challenges Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, little black business book, niching

The 10 Best Apps For Coaches

August 5, 2015 by Ruby 2 Comments

Today’s post is all about the 10 Best … I’m sharing the 10 best apps for coaches.

I LOVE apps*. I do love pen and paper too, BIG time, but if ‘there’s an app for that’ I’m on it! I regularly get asked what apps I like to use so thought this would be a good place to share. As with yesterday’s post I think me talking about 10 things on a video will be boring so I’ve shared my top 3 with reasons and then you can read all of them in the list below.

Most of them are free or low cost so they are great if you don’t have a big budget, or would rather spend your money on more books. (Oh, that last bit about books might just be me!)

*Please note I’m using the word ‘app’ here to mean desktop or mobile device programmes.

Capsule – I had signed up to InfusionSoft and have decided it’s not for me (I’ll do a post on that another day) I wanted something for CRM (Customer Relationship Management), something that would help me manage my contacts and ‘pipes’ (pipeline work – follow ups with potential clients / networking opportunities etc). Capsule fits the bill perfectly. It’s simple, easy to use. You can add password encrypted files to keep my client confidentiality and it’s low cost. A win:win in my book.

Grid Diary – High up on my list is this little app. It’s an Apple one, but there will be other apps out there that you can research. Why do I think it’s an important app for coaches? We serve, lots of clients. We give our time, energy, support and encouragement. We need to look after ourselves too. Grid Diary is a customisable diary grid. It is set up as 9 grids, each grid containing one question. Each day you simply answer the questions that you’ve set. We talk about journalling with our clients and that’s great when you have the time to sit and do it. I highly encourage it. This app is a condensed version of that. It allows you to capture the key things of your day, the precious moments and/or observations. There is a full list of questions you can choose from or you can create your own. A lot of my questions are now around self-care as I have to continually remind myself of the important of taking care of me so that I can be healthy and ready to help others. The important thing here isn’t the app, it’s the taking care of you, so find something that works. More info on how I use my diary here.

YouCanBook.Me– This is a game changer! How many times have you played email tennis with your clients, where you’re pinging emails backwards and forwards to set a date? There are lots of online calendars out there – try one out. I love this one – it links in with my calendar and sends me an email when someone books. I can block out times that I want to work and don’t have to worry about figuring out time zones. No more messing around with dates.
MadMimi – As above bullet point re: InfusionSoft I’m going back to MadMimi. I love it as an email management system, their customer service support is fantastic and it’s fun to use. I know that over time I will need a bigger system but for now it works for me and I highly recommend it (I have insider news that they are also working on lots of exciting upgrades too)

Pomodoro – The 25-minute timer. If you’ve got a job to get done this is the one for you. It’s a great way to get cracking on jobs that you keep putting off. (I’ve shared the link for the technique itself. There are lots of different apps that you can get for Pomodoro, both on Android or iOS)

Evernote – This is a brilliant way to store info. It’s fully searchable and you can add photos, categorise what you need and most importantly find things quickly when you need them. One of the main things I use it for is snippets of information. You know those little notes you write down, thinking you’ll find them again when you need them, but never can? Those! With Evernote because of its search function you can find them again easily. You can also add a little widget so that you can take screenshots to save for later, great when you’re in a rush and need to save something quickly.

RescueTime – Running your own business is fun. There’s LOADS of new things to learn. Social media can be a blessing and a curse though where you get sucked into clicking on ‘just one more link’ before you stop. RescueTime allows you to set up the programmes that you want to monitor so that you can save time. Each week you get a report about the length of time you’ve spent in different areas. I’ve set mine up for things like Facebook, email etc. When you see the time in hours it makes you think very differently about where your time is going.

Pocket – Another great app for saving info. I use this one more for blog posts. If you come across an article that you think might be useful to share and/or read at a later date you can save it to Pocket and tag it to make it easier to find it again when you need it. If you’re a visual person then you’ll also like the look of it as it saves the pictures from the posts.

DropBox – An online file storage and file sharing system. You can get lots of space free and it syncs across your devices. It’s great for when you want to be able to access documents wherever you are, plus it saves space on your hard drive.

BigFile – Want to send a mahoosive file? This is your app. It’s really useful when you need to get something to someone quickly. You upload your file, enter the contact details and send. Simples.

All of these apps are great, they help save time and are fun to use.

Remember too that running your own business is part of your journey, enjoy it! If things like apps help then great! If they don’t then find what works for you 🙂

Your turn: What are your favourite apps? Share in the comments below.

If you liked this post then you’ll love my weekly newsletter. Sign up and grab a copy of my freebie mini eBook, 7 Things They Didn’t Tell You At Coaching School (you could be losing money & clients as a result).

Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Challenges Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, little black business book, niching

Why I Should Be Your Coach

August 4, 2015 by Ruby 6 Comments

Hi there, if you were here yesterday then you will know that over the next 30 days I’m taking part in the 30 Day Blogging Challenge with Sarah Arrow (for the 2nd time) and combining it with a content challenge that was running last month in Jenn Scalia’s Little Black Business Book membership group.

Today’s post is scary! It’s called ‘Why You Rock’ – Why I should be your coach.

Eek, I seriously should have read the full brief before setting myself up for this one. I’m not very good at shouting out about what I do, I’m an introvert! I have been deliberating over this post all day and when I told a couple of my friends they simply said, ‘Not sure why you’re finding it so hard – You rock in loads of ways’!

So here are 10 ways I rock and why you need to know that in order to work with me. You can watch the video for the bumbling version, where I share more about the first 3 ways I rock with my clients.

I’m nicknamed the Queen of Clarity and Focus – I love helping my clients to get really clear on what they need to do and then help them to focus on one thing at a time to get there
I’m great at kicking butt! I’m a coach, I’m meant to push you through your comfort zones – I also want to make sure that you’ll do what you say you’re going to do. You could tell me anything you want but unless you take action nothing will change/improve.
I’m really good at helping you get clear on your niche, working out who your ideal clients are and where to find them
I’m authentic – what you see is what you get. One of my top values is authenticity – just the other day I realised how big a deal it is to me when I joined in on a Facebook post around breast cancer awareness where you post a statement based on your day and month of birth. The statement wasn’t true and even though it was for fun it made me feel physically sick that I’d posted about something that wasn’t true so I messaged people and deleted it. What this means is that you get the real deal when you work with me
I care – that sounds so cheesy as I write it, but I do genuinely care that my coaching helps you move forward. I’m as interested in your business being successful as you are
I’m really creative – I love helping my clients come up with different ways to do things, this is especially helpful when working out packages with added value, that matches your passion/experience and style
I’m really good at getting you to realise how amazing you are, and can be with a little nudge. Building your confidence and then setting you free to go out there and be visible with your business
I hold your hand – I don’t just want to work with you and never hear from you again. I genuinely want to know how things are going for you and to learn about your progress
I’m a great connector – I love to connect you with people that can help you in your business, and with content/links, useful things that can help you. It’s not just about you working with me, I love to help. If you’re meant to work with me you will, if not then you’ll remember me as the one that helped you anyway
I focus, not just on your business, but on you too. Yes, I’m a business coach so help you with the business side of things, but running your own business can be hard work. I make sure that you take care of you which will keep you well enough to keep going.

Your turn: Why do you rock?! Come on, be brave. I had to be! This could be your first step on being more visible 🙂

Filed Under: Blogging, Challenges, Goal Setting, Niching Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, little black business book, niching

What’s My Story?

August 3, 2015 by Ruby 6 Comments

Hi there, over the next 30 days I’m taking part in the 30 Day Blogging Challenge with Sarah Arrow (for the 2nd time) and combining it with a content challenge that was running last month in the Little Black Business Book membership group.

Each day I will share a new post with you. Day 1’s post is called, ‘What’s My Story?’

I’ve had lots of different things happen over the years, as most people have. There was one turning point though that made me pursue the world of coaching. It’s interesting how one thing in your life can have such a major impact on you and then how your life turns around from that point.

I’ve decided to be brave and do a video post series. I keep saying I’ll do more videos and a) put them off and b) forget to set time aside to create them, so here goes!

Your turn: What’s been one of your big challenges in life and how has it shaped who you are?

Filed Under: Blogging, Challenges Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, little black business book

Woohoo! 30 Day Challenge Completed!

January 31, 2015 by Ruby 3 Comments

Welcome to day 30 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’ve been writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I shared can be used for you or your coaching clients. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday I shared a simple strategy for building your confidence, it’s a quick and easy one to use. Today we’re going to ‘Review and Woohoo!’ I want to spend some time reviewing all we’ve covered over the past 30 days and to share with you what I’ve learnt by being part of this 30 day challenge.

Before I get into that though I want you to promise me you’ll go back to Day 2 and top that strengths list up. NO excuses! It’s an easy one to park but as you make progress or learn new things about you add them to your list.

Ok so what have we covered? Where to start! We’ve talked about creating a list of strengths and compliments, how confidence takes practice, the importance of being aware of how you talk to yourself. We’ve covered things like perfectionism, procrastination, dreaming big, people pleasing and the importance of self care plus so much more.

Doing this challenge has been – a challenge! Trying to squeeze in posts around client meetings and business tasks has been interesting. It’s meant a few late nights – not so great for your wrinkles. Also a few weekend mornings in pj’s with my MacBook on my lap tapping out something new. That had its advantages – gorgeous breakfasts and cappuccinos in bed! I’ve even had quite a few dinners cooked for me throughout the 30 days – bonus!

So what have I learnt? Read this newsletter I sent out to subscribers this week to find out. I’ve had so much fun, met so many new and amazing people. If you have no idea where to start with blogging give Sarah Arrow’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge a go. It’s fantastic. So much so I’ve even agreed with another challenger to do round 2 soon. Must be mad!

At the beginning of this post I said we’d do a quick review, which we’ve done. I’m super proud of completing the 30 day challenge and will be celebrating with some nice quality ‘me’ time this weekend. Now you need to remember to do a ‘Woohoo’ too because you’ve been doing some hard work as well.

Always remember to ‘Review and Woohoo’!

If you’ve stayed the journey then thank you. I appreciate it so much 🙂 I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading and replying to your comments.

Today’s task

Review some of the things you’ve learnt and let me know what your favourite confidence boosting tip was. If you’ve been following the posts every day you should now have a great bank of tools you can use to boost your confidence and also your clients’ confidence too. You could also revisit and review your confidence levels from day 1 to now. If you haven’t been following properly then I’d encourage you to start again and then notice the difference as you put the small changes into place.

Let’s have a chat

If you want to know how it feels to sit down and break through the blocks that are stopping you from moving forward – make yourself a cappuccino and jump on a free call with me for a quick chat!

Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Confidence, Mindset Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, Confidence

A Simple Strategy To Build Your Confidence

January 30, 2015 by Ruby 9 Comments

Welcome to day 29 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

I’m on my penultimate post! Thanks to Sarah Arrow for the reminder of the word penultimate, I’ve always wanted to use it too!

Yesterday I couldn’t count and said I was sharing 5 top tips for being more resilient. I actually shared 7 – hey ho! Back to school for me!

Today I want to share a simple strategy to build your confidence.

When you’re feeling unsure and you really don’t know how you are going to do ‘that thing’ that you need to do simply ask yourself this question;

What could I believe right now to ___________ ? (fill in the gap)

I know I’m waaaay behind the times but I watched the first episode of Ugly Betty yesterday. I always missed it when it was on and had no idea what to expect. If you don’t know the show here’s a snippet from Wikipedia – ‘Betty Suarez is a quirky, 22-year-old Mexican American woman from Queens, New York who is sorely lacking in fashion sense.’ She comes across as awkward but endearing somehow. If she just believed in herself more she wouldn’t be pushed around by everyone. I felt for her so much with the cringeworthy things going on that I was almost having to watch through my fingers. If she could have believed she was amazing and deserved her job then things might have been easier for her.

Let’s break down how this could work;

What could I believe right now to be able to run my webinars?

I’m a quick learner and I can learn how to run webinars
I know loads of people that run webinars, if they can then I can too

What could I believe right now to be comfortable with selling?

I am good at selling
I am exchanging my services for money and that feels really comfortable
My package is awesome and I know it helps people to make a transformation

What could I believe right now to know I’m a good coach?

I’ve had some great testimonials
My clients have had lots of success
I help my clients to view things form a different perspective

I love playing around with possibility in coaching – the ‘Imagine’ game. Imagine that you have all of the skills, knowledge, attributes and behaviours to achieve that thing you want to achieve. Start believing right now that you can achieve it, even if you’re not quite sure how. That’s when the magic will happen 🙂

Shall I tell you a secret? I got stuck on this post. I’ve written so many posts over the last 28 days that I can’t remember what I have and haven’t shared now. I posted in the blogging challenge group that I had writers’ block and then I thought to myself ‘What could I believe right now to enable me to write this post’. Ta-da, it worked! (Thank you to those of you in the challenge group that gave me a few hints and tips too – I’ll be saving those for future posts!)

Oh yeah, and my hubby now thinks it’s ok to coach me, bloomin’ cheek! He quoted one of my own coaching questions back at me when I said I couldn’t think what to write – He said, ‘What would you write if you knew?’. Grrr – note to self, don’t teach people close to you any of your coaching techniques – they will be used against you!!

Here’s a little screensaver I created a while back…

Today’s task

Think of one thing that you could believe right now that will enable you to take a step towards your goals. Share in the comments below. If you’ve enjoyed this series then please share with others.

Want some added fun and support? Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge.

Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Before I go … Do you live in Newbury, Berkshire?

If you do come along to my new monthly Newbury networking/coaching group, Cappuccino Biz. I ran a pilot last week with a great group of local business owners and it was really good fun. We got into some great conversations about business. You can find all the details and testimonials here.

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Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Confidence, Mindset Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, Confidence

7 Top Tips For Building Resilience

January 29, 2015 by Ruby 11 Comments

Welcome to day 28 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday I shared the day in the life of a people pleaser. Over the course of this series I’ve been sharing lots of hints and tips to help you boost your confidence, but I’m also a realist and let’s be honest life can be a bit of a roller coaster. Some days things go swimmingly and other times we have lessons to learn which can really dent our confidence. Sometimes they are really painful periods of time, but they all help to build our characters and help us to evolve into the people we are. As time passes we mostly, not always, understand why things happened the way they did.

Today I’d like to share 7 simple tips for being more resilient. We all have times when we have curve balls thrown at us. Having a few simple strategies up your sleeve can help.

1. Find the learnings

There is no failure – see it as feedback. Feedback that something’s not worked/working and needs to be changed. When you fail at something (because I doubt if it will be an if, you’re human) reflect and look for the learnings. Talk to others, sometimes you need to hear it from someone else, you’re too close to find the learnings and you just feel like everything’s gone/going wrong.

2. Practice gratitude

Sometimes things are going on that are so massive that you cannot find the positive. I’m thinking back to things in my own life, when someone really close to me died or my first marriage ended, for example. I’m all for seeing the positive in everything, but I think if someone had told me to think positive at those times in my life I might have decked them!

What I wish I’d known then, that I know now, is that the practice, of being grateful for what you do have, is immeasurable. In my examples had I been more grateful and focused on the amazing people still surrounding me, and precious memories, things might have been a tiny bit more bearable. I now practice gratitude daily and it’s such a beautiful thing to do. I encourage you to practice gratitude, wherever you are in life right now. Start a gratitude journal. When you go back through it over time you’ll be amazed at how fabulous life can be, if you just take time to notice it.

3. Get support

I’ve mentioned a few times in this series now about how important it is to have people around you that support, encourage and believe in you. When things aren’t going so well don’t bottle them up, share them with people you feel safe with. The old adage, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ can sometimes make a huge difference. It’s SO important to acknowledge how we feel.

4. Let it go

So many of us analyse our mistakes and dwell on them. Just this week I was having a conversation with a client who was holding onto something that happened last year. We talked about how she should celebrate what she did achieve at the time, despite her difficult circumstances. Learn what you can from it, give yourself permission for getting it wrong, or not being perfect, and let it go. You can read more about letting go in this post.

5. Don’t be a diva!

That applies to you whether you’re male or female! It’s so easy to over-react and have that whole dramatic sweep of the hand to the forehead thing going on! Accept it’s happened and deal with it logically and calmly. If you’re reeling from something that’s happened, step back. Sleep on it if you have to, don’t go in all guns blazing and over-react! Better to write that email as a draft and revisit it in the morning than to hit send and regret it!

6. Look after you!

Go back to this post as part of the series – Self-care is always important, but even more so when you’re having a challenging time.

7. Laugh at yourself

Sometimes you just need to have someone to laugh at you and with you (enter my bestie for that – I remember once I was being criticised unfairly for something and sharing it with her. She said, “So if I told you that you’ve got big ears, you’d believe me, would you?” Now if I take myself too seriously she just asks if I’ve got big ears. Gotta love friends that bring you down to earth!

So, I’ve shared 7 tips for building your resilience. Yes, there will be times when things are challenging, it’s how you deal with those challenges that count. By working on building your resilience, you will also start to boost your confidence because you’ll understand that despite whatever’s going on you can still have an element of control while things are chaotic.

Today’s task

Think of one thing you’re grateful for today and leave a comment below.

Want some added fun and support? Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge.

Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Before I go … Do you live in Newbury, Berkshire?

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Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Confidence, Gratitude, Resilience Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, Confidence, Gratitude, people pleasing, Resilience

A Day In The Life Of A People Pleaser

January 28, 2015 by Ruby 19 Comments

Welcome to day 27 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday I was asking you to fake it! Today I want to find out if you’re a people pleaser. I’m a recovering one! Are you? Here’s what a day as a people pleaser can be like. (I’ve mixed up job roles to make it more interesting).

9am – The sandwich van arrives – someone asks if you would get the sandwiches in, yet again. You know you should say no because you’ve done it for the last two weeks. You agree.
10am – Someone comes to your office and asks you to prepare some work for them for a deadline they’d forgotten about. You agree.
11am – You’re chatting around the water cooler and someone asks if you fancy going to watch a movie at the weekend. They tell you some of the films and you’re not that keen, but you say something like, “I don’t mind, whatever you pick is fine”. They suggest a romantic comedy. You hate romantic comedy. You agree.
12 noon – Time for lunch – Everyone’s chatting about where to get lunch from. You’re really craving a Starbucks but they suggest everything but. They say McDonalds. You agree.
1pm – You’re in a Skype group meeting with some fellow business buddies – Someone’s said you’re amazing at what you do and you should take this particular thing on as a project. You’re already drowning in work. You agree.
2pm – You get an email from your friend asking you if you fancy going away for a weekend with your gang of friends. He/she suggests rock climbing or crystal healing. You hate both ideas but you say you’ll go with the flow. You agree.
3pm – Your Aunt phones. She says she needs help with ordering something from an online catalogue. You’d planned to get back to your family early tonight. You agree.
4pm – Your boss comes in and says that he has yet another job for you that needs to be completed by the end of the week. He says that you would be the best employee ever if you would take it on for him as he has a dinner booked with his wife. You had planned to finish early Friday. You worry that it could cost you your job if you don’t. You agree.
5pm – You get a call from a friend asking you to help out at the weekend with a house move. You’d already decided you were going to spend some time on your favourite hobby. You agree.

The sad thing about being a people pleaser is that you put everybody’s needs before your own. You believe that people might like you more for going with the flow. You think that by saying no people will dislike you. The problem is that every time you agree you are giving away a piece of you and over time this can result in resentment. It might even get to the stage that all of that frustration comes out, and maybe even to the wrong person! When you start to feel more confident about the right people liking you (when I say the right people – I mean those people that like you without any hidden agenda) then you will feel more comfortable setting boundaries.

You may also agree out of guilt. You feel responsible, that you “should” help that person. I’m not in any way saying don’t help but what I am saying is that YOU matter too, as do your clients. You need healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable and it can take time to ‘train’ those around you how you want to be treated. They are used to you doing everything they say, when they say and things may start to change as you redefine your boundaries.

The thing is when we people please we are actually being liars. That’s so tough to hear but it’s true. We are saying we are ok with things as they are, but in reality we’re not. Where’s the authenticity?

The first person you need to please is you. Look after you, set healthy boundaries and you will be a much better (and more authentic) person to be around.

Want to read more? Check out this blog post here on people pleasing and this one on guilt.

Today’s task

Notice where you are people pleasing. Share one boundary you are going to set this month in the comments below.

Want some added fun and support? Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge.

Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Before I go … Do you live in Newbury, Berkshire?

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Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Confidence, People Pleasing Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, Confidence, people pleasing

Fake It Til You Make It

January 27, 2015 by Ruby 5 Comments

Welcome to day 26 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.

Yesterday we talked about the importance of being prepared in terms of feeling more confident. Let’s talk about you can fake it til you make it.

Are you faking it?

Now, if you know me well then you’ll know that one of my top values is authenticity. What you see is what you get with me. So, if authenticity is one of my top values why am I talking about faking something?

A great way to boost your confidence is to ‘act as if’ you already have a particular attribute/behaviour.

So often we compare ourselves to other people and how successful they are in life and/or business. Now often this can be a bad thing because we’re not comparing like for like, we’re comparing bananas to socks!

Saying all this though you can use comparison as a great way to boost your confidence. It’s called ‘acting as if’, aka modelling. So if there is a particular behaviour that you like then you act as if you have that behaviour. What you do is model the person that already has it. So let me explain more using a case study example;

Let’s say you find it really awkward talking to people at a networking meeting. Let’s work through each of the different steps;

1.Who do you know that is confident, someone that exudes the confidence you would love to have?

Well, there’s this girl that goes along that seems really nice. I’d love the level of confidence that she has. She makes networking seem easy

2.What is it about them that makes them come across as confident?

She always seems to be chatting with people and going around the room, one conversation after another

3.What qualities do they possess?

She smiles at people when she greets them, she listens attentively – it’s almost as if there is nobody else in the room, but the person she is talking to, she’s approachable

4.What do they do?

She stands quite tall, uses open body language, has good eye contact and nods throughout the conversation. Not like a nodding dog but in the right places!

5.What do they say?

She asks people quite simple questions like, ‘What business are you in?, ‘How long have you been coming to these meetings?’, ‘Have you come from far?’

Now by deconstructing the different areas you should now understand how there are certain things that confident people do. Through modelling and working on one little area at a time you too can build your confidence.

Today’s task

Choose one quality that you’ve identified in someone else that you’d like & ‘Act As If’ you have it. Share in the comments below the attribute/behaviour you’d like to try.

Want some added fun and support? Pop your info in the form below and you’ll get free access to my private Facebook group – Confidence Rocks for the duration of the challenge.

Ps – when you sign up you’ll get sent a link to the group page – you’ll need to request to join.

Before I go … Do you live in Newbury, Berkshire?

[jotform id=”50013817413343″]

Filed Under: Blogging, Business, Confidence, Modelling Tagged With: Blogging, challenge, Confidence, modelling

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