People pleasing is bad for your health. No, seriously, I mean it. It makes you anxious, it’s draining and exhausting and you can never win.
Not sure if you are a people pleaser? Answer these questions..
- Do you often find yourself overcommitted?
- Do you worry what people might think of you if you say ‘no’?
- Do you always put others’ needs before your own?
- Do you keep the peace because it’s easier than saying what you want?
- Do you keep your opinions to yourself?
If you answered ‘yes’ to the above questions then it could be that you’re a people pleaser. Warning.. you may not like what I’m about to say… When you people please it’s often due to lack of self-worth. You put others’ worth ahead of your own because you feel they matter more than you do. Not great to hear, is it? We all have different strengths and qualities to bring to the world. You are just as important as everyone else, you just need to believe that.
I’m not saying don’t help people. I am saying help people because you want to, not because you feel you ‘should’ or ‘have to’. That just undermines your self worth.
- What or who do you need to say ‘no’ to?
- What is the benefit to you of holding onto this ‘you’re more important than I am’ ethos?
- What needs to happen for you to honour and value yourself?
Ready to stop people pleasing? Try my top tips
- Know that you are fabulous! Just be you, don’t try and prove yourself to others. Some people will accept you for who you are, others won’t. Just accept that and life becomes a lot easier
- Set boundaries – know what is/isn’t acceptable to you
- Make space – If you tend to overcommit make the decision to think before you commit, thank the other person for their invitation and tell them you will get back to them once you’ve had chance to check your diary. This gives you some space to consider whether it’s what you really want and to build in enough time to fit in all you want to do
- Remember you’re not responsible – you are not responsible for others’ happiness, despite how they might make you feel if you don’t do what they want you to do. You are responsible for your own happiness though so start taking responsibility and you will be happier
- Have a conversation – if you feel you’re not being treated the way you want to be then talk about it. Tell the other person how it makes you feel. They won’t know if you don’t tell them and until you change they won’t
- Drop the guilt – See people because you want to, go to things because you want to, do things because you want to. Don’t feel guilty about saying no. People will enjoy your company a lot more if you actually want to be there
- Stop saying ‘sorry’! You don’t need to be sorry for honouring yourself. Don’t apologise, don’t justify, don’t make up excuses for why you don’t want to do something. If it’s not for you that’s ok. Just say you won’t be able to make it/do whatever it is that’s being asked of you and move on.
What’s the worst that could happen if you spoke up for what you want or believe is right? Probably not much and you never know you might actually start pleasing yourself for a change 
What fun!
What fun!
Missed my Be My Guest post yesterday? Then you really should check it out. I had the fabulous Claire Mitchell sharing her business/marketing tips
If you want some help with setting boundaries get in touch.
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