Welcome to day 6 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge – A series called From Zero Confidence To Feeling More Fabulous in 30 Days. If you missed Day One’s post you can read it here and can follow the series through from there. I’m going to be writing about confidence and each day sharing some tips for building your confidence slowly. The tools and hints/tips I’m sharing can be used for you or your coaching clients but for now I want you to focus on you. Building your confidence can have a great impact on your business and life. You will be amazed at what you can do when you feel more confident.
Yesterday we talked about how comparing can dent your confidence and what you can do about it. Today we’re going to be dealing with your inner critic. I’m going to share with you a story about me. But first a story of a mean friend…
I used to have a friend that was really unkind. Every time I met her she would tell me I looked like I’d put on weight, that I shouldn’t be wearing ‘that’ top, that I sounded so common, that other people were doing so much better than me and that I would never be good enough. The list of derogatory remarks was endless and even included things such as that I didn’t deserve the amazing friends I had, or a loving relationship etc. This went on for many, many years until the day I decided that enough was enough and I wasn’t going to put up with this tirade of unkindness any more.
The thing is the story I said I would share with you about me was this story – I was that unkind friend. Each time I looked in the mirror I would tell myself the most horrible things. If I said the things I’d say to myself to someone else I would be mortified. Science is now proving that when we repeat something over and over again we are creating new neural pathways to reinforce that belief. (I really like how this blog post explains it). I think I’d prefer to reinforce some more positive beliefs thank you, rather than the awful things I was telling myself! What about you?! It’s time to start dealing with your inner critic.
I thought I’d share a little video with you that I did a while ago about my silly inner critic. Don’t let your inner critic hold you back – it’s all nonsense! Treat yourself with kindness and as I said yesterday just BE YOU, exactly as you are right now.
Today’s Task
Today I want you to notice what you are saying to yourself. Is it kind? Is it true? Would you say that to someone in the face if they were standing in front of you?
What needs to change?
I’ve shared a personal story with you about how your inner critic can really impact on your confidence, now it’s your turn. Leave a comment in the box below to let me know if you’re your own worst critic and how willing you are to make some changes.
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Great post, Ruby.
It really is amazing how we can be so incredibly mean to ourselves and a great reminder that we need to be more kind.
Thanks Sarah, isn’t it just!
very honest and well written
Thanks Katherine
Excellent post Ruby……
I am definitely my own worst critic, but I try to put a positive spin on it by making it constructive criticism.
Thanks Sandra, keep trying to shift it. Even using the words criticism can be a bit disempowering. Let’s come up with something a bit more empowering for you
Yes, I love your approach of asking if you’d say that to your best fried (or any friend, in fact!) – treat yourself as you deserve to be treated. Recognise your self worth!
Thanks Tamsin, you’re right – to any friend! We are kind to others but not ourselves. I totally agree, time to recognise our self worth!
Hi Ruby, I used a similar technique to help me notice my achievements and be nicer to myself. It’s so easy to dismiss your ‘self talk’ or not even notice it but it has a huge effect on you. I was set the challenge of noticing my achievements by asking myself what I would say to a friend who’d achieved it and the difference was really amazing. I realised I was quite a horrible person to myself!
It’s amazing how we treat ourselves, isn’t it Jenny?! I love how you’re using it around achievements. Here’s to being kinder to ourselves
Great post! You are so right about treating ourselves with kindness, respect and encouragement as we would our best friend. After all, if we don’t , chances are others will not do it for us.
You gave me a great idea. Next time I catch myself talking to me in an unkind manner I will imagine my daughter as a baby or even now as a 4 year old…..so innocent, precious and sensitive….if I cannot say those things to her without hurting her feelings, then my inner child doesn’t deserve to hear them either. Thank you so much for your blog. Xox
That’s a lovely idea Antonina. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog